Re: Just for Show (Suicide revised) by sliver	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Dec-05/6:38 AM
Proof that you don't have to use 50-syllable words to write a good poem. Reminds me of an old George Jones song... Yabbadabba Doo! The King is gone and so are you..." -10-
Re: philosophy of a new age by crazyknight	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/6:34 AM
I really have to strain to see the light...... Which direction is it coming from?
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/6:30 AM
yep, it helps. thanks a ton. :-). and now for the disagreeable points, since you hint that there is.....
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Dec-05/6:21 AM
You strike me as someone who knows alot about beauty so I thank you, deeply.
Re: a comment on To Michelle by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Dec-05/6:17 AM
Thank you. I grew up reading Poe so he tends to creep into alot of my stuff. I hope she's not dead. I see how you get that. It's more about the harsh reality of excepting that the love of your life was never really meant to be. This tends to be the case with artists as they tend to imagine their lovers on a pedestal that could never possibly be reached. Fate seperated us time and time again and eventually you just have to move on. So alas I have excepted that my love for her will be requited nevermore.
Re: Just for Show (Suicide revised) by sliver	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/6:16 AM
spiritually speaking u have it dead right.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Dec-05/6:02 AM
Ps. There are many poems that use alliteration and implied rhyme and are still bad. Being able to see the design. Being able to step away from the art and see it as though it was for the first time and then being able to properly criticize your own work are really the hallmark of good poetry writing. That and knowledge of the art of course.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	19-Dec-05/5:53 AM
I'm probably not the best one to ask for grammar advice. That would be Zodiac. But as you noticed it comes across akward. Probably one reason is because it sounds like archaic language which has no buisiness in being in this poem. - written from the heart - an outline of true incidents? No - it had message ? No. Lots of poems do both of these things and still suck. - the tense of speech was uniform through out? Yes. For example: Did you notice how these words bounce off each other? (?) shows implied rhyme. -?- shows alliteration. It's time to get the -s-nackbox in his BAG(A) And -s-end him off to -S-CHOOL(B), After we've HAD(A) an ordeal With his -B-ATH(A) and -b-rushing TOO(B). And then she's up, my little BABY(C) "I want mama", she says and WAITS(C). She -W-ATCHES(D) as her brother -W-ISHES(D) And is ON HIS(D) way. It's time to wait ON HER(E), that's next! For she's PARTICULAR(E), Plus you're writing about something you know better than just about anyone else on earth, your children. Your true rhymes don't seem nearly as force as in some of your other poems. Most of this sounds like something you might actually say and the rhymes tend to come out like happy little coincidences. Well that's a start but there's alot of other things that make a poem work and part of the fun is discovering them. It's OK not to know the science of poetry when you're just an avid reader but when you write poetry it's like performing as a magician and not knowing the secret behind pulling off the trick. I hope that helps make the room a little brighter for you.
Re: To Michelle by ALChemy	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/5:08 AM
Beautifully worded.
Re: Prayer For The Church by sliver	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/4:59 AM
Sliver, do your best and God will do the rest. Keep up the good work. (10)
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/4:45 AM
ha ha ha.... my son's name is not Danny Boy. so i see your point. Is 'she did miss' grammatically wrong? i didn't seem to find anything wrong in it, find its usage sounding awkard. would like insight, if its technically wrong. Help. Now finding what was in favour of it........ - written from the heart - an outline of true incidents? - it had message ? - the tense of speech was uniform through out? ....... i don't know exactly what you want me to pin-point to. and what is it that worked aainst it ? enlighten me .
Re: a comment on I love to see the sunrise by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/4:33 AM
i rise before my children, and take time to pray for about ten minutes or so. that's enough to see the sunrise and feel the new day dawn in. it also gives me time to think about what i want to do today. i am a very restless person when i don't do anything, and so i plan out a lot of activities, like drawing and painting, big blow up pictures for my kids, teach my daughter to colour, especially within alphabet outlines. this way she learns the alphabets unconsciously while learning to color too. there are lots of things that one could try. You'll never know you can do it until you try it out. Each one can find inspiration in themselves.......look deep within.
Re: a comment on CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/4:25 AM
Suit yourself, and merry christmas, by the way. jesus loves you the way you are, he always has and always will.
Re: a comment on CHRISTMAS EVERYDAY by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/4:22 AM
Interesting, very interesing! do you challenge all your co-poets to write thus? I like the idea.....lets see what i can do. its a very attractive challenge. how fast i'll get it done is another matter. but i'm gonna try.
Re: To My Love by sliver	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/12:52 AM
Beautifully written. i wonder who these jerks are who gave you a zero. Heartless, sadists!
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/12:37 AM
i know what you mean. i couldn't get all to rhyme, and so i didn't force myself. thought i'd get a public opinion on this approach. Personally i'm more comfortable with rhymes and a definite rhythm. thankyou for your review. i value your opinion, and look forward to more advice from you.
Re: Static by wilco	sliver 172.199.242.198	19-Dec-05/12:33 AM
I seem to enjoy everything you write. Another10.
Re: After the Storm by somemorepoetry	sliver 172.199.242.198	19-Dec-05/12:31 AM
Why the morbidity? It was going so well.
Re: The Cowardice of Francis Evans by Caducus	sliver 172.199.242.198	19-Dec-05/12:28 AM
I liked the imagery, And I actually pictured hoarfrost in the first stanza.
Re: a comment on My kids by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.83.45.117	19-Dec-05/12:27 AM
I like to have a message in each poem i write, but the hard part is getting to it, trying to put the preface right. thanks for the review.