Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	INTRANSIT 64.12.116.67	29-Dec-05/6:26 AM
Good good good good good. Anvil eyed. Daimler. Could you make it longer? Seems shor for memoirs. 9.5
Re: For Love of Baseball by Dovina	Caducus 172.213.114.74	29-Dec-05/4:32 AM
I like the end it wraps it up well
Re: why? by nentwined	Caducus 172.213.114.74	29-Dec-05/4:19 AM
no crimson?
Re: Hoi Polloi by INTRANSIT	Caducus 172.213.114.74	29-Dec-05/4:18 AM
Cute observation.
Re: a comment on It's Time by PoeticXTC	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	29-Dec-05/12:38 AM
I agree. My only point was that these things must first be obtained through the senses before they can be processed into information. Logic is how we use information. Sometimes in aquiring more information. I will say we obtain information that we think is false too and even subliminal info that we don't even know we've obtained. So logic and truth don't always have to be there at least at the start.
Re: a comment on It's Time by PoeticXTC	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	29-Dec-05/12:24 AM
These precepts are only logical to us because we percieve them as logical. No logic made these precept they just came into being through action and reaction. Even the bible doesn't say god made the universe because he thought it was the logical thing to do. He just said let it exist. Probably because he just felt like doing it. As a matter of fact some logic is considered forbidden in Genesis. Logic has little to do with being right. It's just a way of organizing information to suite your needs. The Natzis used logic to convince people the killing Jews was a good thing. Was that right? Depends on your point of view. Logic is a human function not some mystical force that governs the universe. Over time we have learned to hone our grasp of reality enough that our logic tends to stay consistant with the ways of the universe. Yet this conversation is proof that we still have a long way to go.
Re: a comment on It's Time by PoeticXTC	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	28-Dec-05/11:59 PM
The fact that I'm not married means I'm more likely to be an impartial judge to characteristics of marriage.
Re: a comment on Ennui by Sisterwolf	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/9:07 PM
Today I critiqued every single one of the 'worst' poems, and several that were random. I love to teach, to help and I hope you will see my list of comments.
Re: a comment on Ennui by Sisterwolf	Dovina 209.247.222.99	28-Dec-05/7:55 PM
9) I think you'll see she is doing this.
Re: a comment on It's Time by PoeticXTC	Dovina 209.247.222.99	28-Dec-05/7:47 PM
So kind of you to impart true experience in marriage to our ramblings. Without it, we might have blundered on for ages. When I say "Put into action," I imply a Putter. If you say the laws of nature came about naturally, which can only mean spontaneously in this context, you deny God's input, and that conflicts with your previously stated belief in God.
Re: Old Friends by sliver	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:26 PM
Intranet, may I point out that I got scolded for having made no useful criticism - ie, great work, etal. This poem has no constructive criticism at all. No big deal, but I thought about what you said and have been critiquing to help because I thought praise was not acceptable comment. Peace!
Re: Old Friends by sliver	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:22 PM
I know poetry used to have all first line capitals, but I feel it lends to the flow if second lines are in small case.
Re: Death's Cold Eyes by forestchild7	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:19 PM
In my opinion, using thine and thys is risky. Those are usually used in reference to a deity. None of the tone of the rest of your work uses formal English to match. Hateness is not a word. There is an incongruity with soldiers out of breath...smacks of reaching for a rhyme. Next to last line -thine is not proper - thy is correct. Last line, there is no need for an apostrophe with see's... the apostrophe makes a possessive. Same on fourth line from bottom - no apostrophe.
Re: order of events by skaskowski	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:14 PM
Just a first thought I had... numbering detracts from the power of your words. Need a capital S in first line. Repetitive she lends it a rhythm.
Re: Virgin by MacFrantic	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:12 PM
Second verse, lines 2 and 3 don't make a clear statement, at least to me. Good basics here - needs spit and polish.
Re: Grieving by d35	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:09 PM
Some deep emotions here. Line 7 should say 'ground' instead of grown. The odd spacing tears up your cohesiveness. When you have good stuff to say, it doesn't need a lot of odd punctuation . . . A rewrite would be my suggestion. I would love to read it if you do one.
Re: Artificial Reality by PK	Sisterwolf 207.69.138.7	28-Dec-05/7:06 PM
There are a lot of good basics here, but it yaws in order to make certain statements. Line two of verse 2 should be 'has opened' - don't sacrifice good grammer to achieve an end.
Re: lip balm by FreeFormFixation	Sisterwolf 207.69.137.20	28-Dec-05/7:01 PM
Cute. Maybe a stretch for rhyme though, my friend. line 6 is out of synch... could omit 'trapped and'. Cheese wigs is not a familiar term to me, so am supposing it is a bug??
Re: youre there... by PhSbLoNdE569	Sisterwolf 207.69.137.20	28-Dec-05/6:58 PM
Such angst. This really needs tightening and endline cohesion of some kind - as is it rambles all over the page. Take it from me, add punctuation, it gives edges and smoothes out the bumps.
Re: Follow The Rainbow by forestchild7	Sisterwolf 207.69.137.20	28-Dec-05/6:56 PM
Lots of love here. I think it would do well with some pruning and tightening up, endline repair, and pruning. It is jagged to read, needs a smoother flow to do justice to your thoughts.