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Death's Cold Eyes (Free verse) by forestchild7
Through Death's cold eyes I see pain and immaturity. Though love is true and strong hate doth flow deep and long. Fighting doth cause hurting so why then, art thou killing? The reasons art simple I stand before a symbol. It shows hateness and death yet makes soldiers out of breath. Thou love it yet hate it but thou always obey it. Thou rule with ruthlessness but thou wilt one day be less. The reasons art clear now, thou hast made a vow. To rid the earth of thine enemies and to vanquish them with ease. The death's shalt not go on forever and thine pain shall end never. Though Death looks with cold eyes it see's through thy lies.

Up the ladder: not quite myself
Down the ladder: myself

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.7272727
Weighted score: 4.3636365
Overall Rank: 13040
Posted: July 7, 2002 12:47 PM PDT; Last modified: July 7, 2002 12:47 PM PDT
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Comments:
[n/a] abecedarian @ 4.46.88.171 | 11-Jul-02/8:28 PM | Reply
Hy do I feel like you've just read a bunch of poetry by John Donne? :)
[3] Sisterwolf @ 207.69.138.7 | 28-Dec-05/7:19 PM | Reply
In my opinion, using thine and thys is risky. Those are usually used in reference to a deity. None of the tone of the rest of your work uses formal English to match. Hateness is not a word. There is an incongruity with soldiers out of breath...smacks of reaching for a rhyme. Next to last line -thine is not proper - thy is
correct. Last line, there is no need for an apostrophe with see's... the apostrophe makes a
possessive. Same on fourth line from bottom - no apostrophe.
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