Re: Intestinal Splash by cyan9	zodiac 209.193.18.100	11-Jan-06/9:32 AM
Overkill.
Re: a comment on The chestnut by richa	zodiac 209.193.18.100	11-Jan-06/7:39 AM
The missed out repetition. It was really, um, drunk sounding that way. And I can't remember what exactly you had after "and the girl" in the first stanza, but I think it was more lyrical.
Re: The copper man and Labrador by Caducus	pollywolly 62.30.170.78	11-Jan-06/7:35 AM
really enjoyed this piece. i think you have captured human nature so perfectly and showed it so well in contrast with the love of the pet. very well written.
Re: a comment on The chestnut by richa	richa 81.178.226.106	11-Jan-06/3:39 AM
I agree but I wanted to shake off its regimented shape. Is it the bits I missed out that ruin it or the new form.
Re: a comment on Tulip by richa	richa 81.178.226.106	11-Jan-06/3:34 AM
I'm not entirely happy but it has been a while so I thought I'd put one on p/r. How about the first two lines. I meant 'that' as in 'for it is the case' as a way to explain the statement 'he has poor taste'. Does it need punctuation between l1 and l2.
Re: a comment on Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones	richa 81.178.226.106	11-Jan-06/3:27 AM
I've been doing the same as Nicholas the Jones. That and trolling the internet on messageboards which is great fun and a terrible waste of my evenings.
Re: Comment on Avian 'flu by Stephen Robins	cyan9 217.40.63.105	11-Jan-06/1:16 AM
You bastard
Re: a comment on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/9:30 PM
So's the crab, for that. And they're both from Eliot. But I bet you knew that.
Re: a comment on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/9:08 PM
the too too solid flesh is an allusion to Shakespeare- it is about suffering- of being alive and in pain rather than dead and in peace. I think it was from Hamlet.
Re: a comment on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/9:06 PM
I attempted to set it up with the title (SHE crab)- the crab is a she, but the child is noticeably genderless- never referred to with any pronoun.
Re: a comment on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/9:03 PM
not that explaining it to you makes it explanatory enough to be a good read, but the thing is, dreaming his death protects "the narrator" from his having power over her (through her love for him).
Re: the light of a truly bright day by digipoet	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:31 PM
well done- we had one of those bright days today
Re: The chestnut by richa	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:30 PM
"Dates have become misaligned or places" I didn't get the "or places" The rest is great.
Re: Tulip by richa	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:26 PM
seems like you are forcing some words in here for the sake of your meter- the poor tulip boy has poor taste "that" he loves... (for?)(as?)that doesn't seem to be the right definitive article. Ignoring your meter, I would take out the "that" completely, then remove the "ands" in the 3rd and 4th lines. with neither purse nor name (why so many articles?) I like the dichotomy of him loving his plot, but being on a wage- puzzling.
Re: Suck by MacFrantic	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:16 PM
whose dirge- I got lost there- she is dead and therefore belied to your aliveness?
Re: Flow by zodiac	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:09 PM
beautiful, nice word choices
Re: Window Washer (midtown) by ecargo	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/8:06 PM
mission accomplished- you made a mundane subject into a dance
Re: a comment on I, Ann Boleyn by http://mulberryfairy	http://mulberryfairy 64.222.209.137	10-Jan-06/7:59 PM
good call, thanks
Re: Witch's Brew by ecargo	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/7:09 PM
This got better. First stanza needs a rewrite.
Re: Daylight at Dawn by D. $ Fontera	zodiac 209.193.18.119	10-Jan-06/7:07 PM
Of all the things just for rhyme in this one, "if not to read one more?" is the most worrisome.