Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	25-Mar-06/5:49 AM
Hurry up and copyright the name before I do.
Re: a comment on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	x0lovelylarnx0 64.12.116.10	25-Mar-06/5:09 AM
No that poem is not just words jumbled up on paper and also it did not deserve a 0 at all. That poem won contests, and is even in books. I worked hard to write that poem and it just does not desreve a 0. In christian beliefs, on judgement day it is going to be God's choice on whether you have eternal life with him or eternal life in hell. Sounds like to me that sice your comment was sarcastic that you don't believe in God, but that is not a reason to give someone a zero. I'm offened very much by your comment. just because someone has different beliefs doesn't mean that you go off and say something rude to them.
Re: Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	Garrett S Sexton 81.158.76.221	25-Mar-06/2:09 AM
Words all jumbled up on paper,how clever? OH and the use of God, how apt!
Re: Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	Dovina 70.38.78.229	24-Mar-06/7:40 PM
The first two verses are said so many times in poetry that unless you say it differently, it's a big yawn. In the third verse you begin something arguably unique. But the words "You will hear" stand there with no support like a street preacher. It could be a good poem, holding the same ideas, but better formed.
Re: Office Worker angst by Adriaan	Scarlett 70.171.72.141	24-Mar-06/5:04 PM
Terse fits because it's a feeling that time has been lost, where did it go, how could it be wasted.... Daily hum drum of life and will you look back with regrets. Enjoyed this.
Re: Elopement by Sasha	Scarlett 70.171.72.141	24-Mar-06/4:09 PM
This has the feeling of Caribbean ocean coolness, quenching the heat of sandy shores. Very nice…
Re: The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	24-Mar-06/3:01 PM
Mmmm hmmm... dosh it is... I love to paint and the picture comes to life with the brushstrokes of your words. Paint on.
Re: I Remembered, Upon Waking by Alizarin_Crimson	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	24-Mar-06/2:56 PM
A haunting quality to knowing the depth of oneself. Very much enjoyed the eerie feel and then wishing never to have known... (I was drawn to your poetry from your user name, it's a lovely color)
Re: a comment on Follow by firestar_2580	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/2:54 PM
Oh yes, and for descriptive poetry, read ecargo's poems. Her 'sea' ones in particular are fantastic at conjuring up images.
Re: Follow by firestar_2580	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/2:51 PM
Love the description, don't love the ending though. It would be a whole lot better if you ended at 'beacon, lighting' (I think, anyway). I'm also not convinced by the 'witchy' aspect (dancing unclothed beneath the moon), but that's probably just my personal prejudice. Try expanding it just a little - it leaves me somewhat unsated as it is. I'd recommend having a look at drnick's 'Lonely Road', it's something similar to this. As with the poem you just posted, I think this has good potential but needs work. Have a look round at other poems here, leave comments with people and you should hopefully get other people giving you advice and ideas back.
Re: I sat beside the night by Niphredil	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	24-Mar-06/2:31 PM
This is absolutely lovely! Night has a certain charm that makes one breath a little easier and you captured it well.
Re: Rose by firestar_2580	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/2:30 PM
Hmm. Nice in places, although there are a few grammatical points. Apostrophes are only for possessive forms, letter omission and numeric plurals. so rose's should be simply roses, and look's should be looks. Aside from that, this has some pleasant word choices and some decent passages. 'She seemed in constant motion...' is sweet. I'd change 'lovely', it's a little...well, simple in comparison with the tone of the poem. Also, 'nude' would (to me) sound better as 'unclothed', or something like that. It's probably only due to so long exposed to Dark Angel, but the word grates somehow. The only thing that I don't like is the transition from first person at the start to third person; I assume you're referring to your soul as 'her', but it's not clear. Oh, and I'd better say before anyone else does - 'Rose' is an enormously overused title...if you can find something a bit more original then the poem would benefit. Keep working at this one, it has promise. 7 for now, I feel there are edits left to be done though.
Re: The Best Thing I Ever Had by faithmairee	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	24-Mar-06/2:22 PM
I have a tender spot for Louisiana and this poem means all the more since Katrina. Enjoyed the southern, sultry feel..
Re: Revised Dream (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Scarlett 66.210.233.6	24-Mar-06/2:07 PM
What pulls me into this poem is the repetition ~ it does sound prayer-like. I agree with Ranger that a positive based poem is refreshing.
Re: a comment on After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/2:04 PM
You wanna be a real gangsta, you gotta go here: http://www.gizoogle.com/ You have the name, now get the lingo and the attitude.
Re: a comment on After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger	ecargo 167.219.88.140	24-Mar-06/1:56 PM
Bloody Benny. Feh. My record's not bad though: People Iced: Thirteen Car Bombs Planted: Thirteen Favorite Weapon: Bottle Rockets Arms Broken: Twenty One Eyes Gouged: Twenty Nine Tongues Cut Off: Three Biggest Enemy: Angel Dust Actually, my record is kind of lame comparatively. Oh well.
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/1:47 PM
Becoming? I should hope so too! You wouldn't want God to have to look down on a shoddy piece of headwear now, would you?
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/1:42 PM
Love the play of words in the title too. Although it's taken me over a day to recognise it. *taps skull*
Re: a comment on After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	24-Mar-06/1:39 PM
Yeah, I get what you mean about the links being a bit too obscure. I might try and write Dickens back into this sometime in the future as when I think of him I always think of London at Christmas. Dovina got the Cain connection spot on, I might have a think about whether I can bring him back too. You're right about getting others to read through it...much as I wanted to make this a 'personal' piece (this 'writing from experience' lark isn't as easy as it sounds...) the response I got was that I had to get rid of the name. In the murky world of organised crime I would be 'One-Shot', it seems, armed with (of all things) a candlestick. And I have a respectable number of victims too. Is your codename even halfway as cool as mine?
Re: a comment on Buddy by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	24-Mar-06/1:29 PM
Re: Godproof hat--I'm wearing one right now. Improves the signal-to-noise ratio. And it's quite becoming.