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Member since 2003 · Posted 24 Mar 2006 · 2 comments

I follow the dark path through twisted trees and shadowy hollows through twining vines and tangled trees where a hidden path that leads to the whispers of the autumn winds, as I seek the mysteries of the moon and dance unclothed beneath its gaze. As I let my spirit be beacon, lighting the way through darkness in the end it's love that matters and how your life is truly measured.

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2 comments

[7] Ranger 24-Mar-06/2:51 PM Reply

Love the description, don't love the ending though. It would be a whole lot better if you ended at 'beacon, lighting' (I think, anyway). I'm also not convinced by the 'witchy' aspect (dancing unclothed beneath the moon), but that's probably just my personal prejudice. Try expanding it just a little - it leaves me somewhat unsated as it is. I'd recommend having a look at drnick's 'Lonely Road', it's something similar to this.
As with the poem you just posted, I think this has good potential but needs work. Have a look round at other poems here, leave comments with people and you should hopefully get other people giving you advice and ideas back.

[7] Ranger › Ranger 24-Mar-06/2:54 PM Reply

Oh yes, and for descriptive poetry, read ecargo's poems. Her 'sea' ones in particular are fantastic at conjuring up images.