| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
I sat beside the night (Free verse) by Niphredil I looked outside; I saw the night
Nestling on the ground
And as it saw me it embraced
And kissed me on my upturned face
But never made a sound.
We sat together, side by side,
I rested in its fleece
I felt its breath, I knew its pain
The wild wind coursing through its veins
And then an empty peace
The night had gone, and its dark mantle
Swept across my sight;
But still I think and think again
Of that enslaving moment when
I sat beside the night.
Up the ladder:
Cold Afternoon.
Down the ladder:
Owain Glyndwr
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.142858
Posted: May 3, 2005 2:29 PM PDT; Last modified: May 14, 2005 3:40 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.8452444 Overall Rank: 1588 Comments:
[n/a]
Niphredil @ 192.115.27.159
|
14-May-05/3:41 AM
|
Reply
I wrote this poem when I was in 8th or 9th grade. It's one of my favorites.
[2]
xxx @ 68.164.242.151
> Niphredil
|
14-May-05/8:47 AM
|
Reply
You have rare talent.
The Night has been poemed to death - wat isn't - but this one has been caught in beautiful thoughts. The neat rhyme is another plus. Some of your other poems are gbbldgk to me.
This is quite good. I think it has more punctuation than needed. I'd change the first ; to "and" and omit the second one, and omit all the commas, using line breaks instead.
Thanks. You're right, I will.
I read them all. Have my rights as a human being been revoked? It sure feels like it.
Great metre! Very classical in feel, meets with approval here. I like the idea of the night kissing someone's upturned face - some nicely original ideas in this one.
This is absolutely lovely! Night has a certain charm that makes one breath a little easier and you captured it well.
224 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
