Re: a comment on Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/10:03 AM
Thanks. :)
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/10:02 AM
Hee--I like this a lot. It has a really cool feel to it, well expressed and paranoid in a humorous way. I love the first line and "uneasily damp" made me laugh out loud (in a good way). The windows are a nice added touch.
Re: a comment on Time Thief by Dovina	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/10:00 AM
I had to up my vote because I kept thinking about this last night and that says, to me, that something's working well. It is a clever idea in an aphorism kind of way--like I said, it reminds me of Franklin's Poor Richard's Almanac. http://pages.prodigy.net/jmiller.cb/prs10.html The Danish cartoons (http://www.zombietime.com/mohammed_image_archive/jyllands-posten_cartoons/ ) still don't seem to belong in there, IMO.
Re: a comment on Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/9:57 AM
Well, let's see--"raspberry girl" yields 500 hits on a Google search of the term, so, yes, probably a little overdone. "white-faced hills" yields no hits, so probably not in common parlance. Reasonable crit if it weren't so petty and obviously prompted because I didn't cream over your little poeme. That's cool--if you can't take crits I won't bother offering any. Buhbye.
Re: a comment on Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/9:53 AM
Wow--hey, thanks. I agree re: the end rhymes--it makes it too stiff. I like the idea of hiding the rhymes--I'll play around with it. I wanted it to be lighter, too--haven't figured that out yet. Thanks for taking the time to play with this--freshens it. My friend whose story this is (in that it's how her divorce went down--the ex showed up at the courthouse with flowers, etc., to "celebrate" their official ending) told me the postscript to the story yesterday (she was a little taken aback that I wrote a poem about it). After the court session, they went back to their then-shared shop (she owns a sign company; he's a welder) and took some "parting" pics and then he went off to the local whorehouse where he was refused, er, service because he was so well dressed they assumed he was a cop. She thought that was a hilarious ending to their ending. Now there's my poem. ;)
Re: a comment on SOMETIMES? by Garrett S Sexton	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/9:45 AM
It's not just shit; it's in the *tray*, Matt.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/9:44 AM
You've been partying haven't you? I think England would be a great place to party. I hear those English girls like Kylie Minogue are extra, extra randy. http://www.actressass.com/pictures-1/kylie_minogue/kylie-minogue-16.jpg
Re: a comment on Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/9:29 AM
She wears the scratchy skirt she seldom wears-- the one for funerals and interviews and other stiff affairs, and even high-heeled shoes, the pinching kind that make her limp for days, and watches other ends unwind from spools of common thread, and tales unfold like maps laid flat, each well-marked route now stained and old, showing where these other sojourners had been, scored with fold-lines and faults of long use, worn and thin. And if she imagines that in resolution there’s some ragged judgment, well, who can blame her? She welcomes this end, needs the final hangnail tear of separation, thinly weeping but clean and clearly healing, frustration almost bloodless, already purged and shouted out, unlike these many others here, who spurt their hurt in gouts or drip steadily from injuries inflicted, partings like a briar tangle of lives entwined, where hope ends trapped and mangled. But not for her, not for them, whatever “them” remains, most of it long spent, no longer subject to the pain and strains of extrication, and even anger mostly gone or mostly going. They’ve both moved on, as much as one moves on, with, maybe, a small, dull throb still left to probe, some phantom limb all that's left between them, a specter hand of what once was and now is out of promise.
Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/9:19 AM
I've got this idea, maybe if you hide the rhymes instead of putting them at the end it'll give you that ghostly lingering feel. Let's see:
Re: Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/9:12 AM
You show the terror and delite you feel when watching over a child perfectly. Terror for their safety and delite for their glee. Then you take off into wonderment and end with a self discovery. Not bad at all for a twee. -10-
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/8:55 AM
I've never used 'twee' in my entire life, old chap. Well, maybe once or twice, but that's beside the point. I shall return and comment later on this and others; have been away for a few days and only just got home (completely knackered). Cool poem though, with any luck I'll say something more useful this evening.
Re: SOMETIMES? by Garrett S Sexton	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/8:55 AM
I like this. Something very autistic savant about it.
Re: a comment on My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/8:51 AM
Excellent. There's no need to SHOUT though, we can hear you.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/8:47 AM
Maybe I need to attach it to the "Sunlighting" poem. Hmmmmm.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/8:44 AM
Wow! I'm flattered. First you put Lord Byron and me together in a sentence and then you dedicate an obtuse rant you ineptly disguise as a play about me. Many of your poems resemble this pretentious, pompous drivel that you've written here. Those are the ones that are hellacious dumps. As for me being a redneck? I've only lived in North Carolina for a year so I haven't deserved the honor of such a distinction yet. It's nice to see you were obsessed enough to check my user info though. Does it bother you that I criticize your poems without giving any specific and useful remarks? I guess you know how the people you've criticized feel now don't you?
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/8:17 AM
I had thought of using father wind. It was more of a visual thing, sky + light make the sun in visual composition. Plus father light is representing the lightning in the storm metaphor. You make a good point though and you did it without being insulting which puts you way above many others in my book. I'm definitely thinking about a rewrite.
Re: 9/11 - The Jumpers by Caducus	Caducus 86.141.200.191	30-Mar-06/6:24 AM
Inspired by the channel 4 documentary 'jumpers 911'.
Re: A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Caducus 86.141.200.191	30-Mar-06/12:30 AM
I dont know what you're doing but whatever it is its working and very well too.
Re: A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Mar-06/10:25 PM
I like the idea you portrayed about being sunk into utmost despair, into hell.... Surely there must be some way of getting out of it, of feigning your way through the fisherman's fingers once the hook is taken out. Many a fish has escaped this way.
Re: a comment on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	29-Mar-06/10:10 PM
In my opinion, the vote ratings aren't all that important. I don't think most members vote honestly due to territorial prejudices. It's the exchange of opinions and comments that's the biggest attraction and hit here on this site. If you're looking to make a stand on your poetic talent by way of votes, you might end up very disappointed. Nonetheless, don't be discouraged. Take part in the meaningless discussions; you might find something interesting to comment about.