Re: Sarah, Freefalling (twee for AlChemy) by ecargo	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:32 PM
This is top stuff, although I had to read it twice. I could tell it was a upbeat poem, but it could very easily have the complete opposite meaning (relating in particular to a friend of mine, otherwise I probably wouldn't have seen a darker side to it) and I thought it a shame to give such a negative reading to a great piece like this =D
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/12:30 PM
This is nice but the use of "cat feet" constantly reminds me of the Carl Sandburg poem "Fog" Fog The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on.
Re: a comment on Time Thief by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/12:27 PM
If you mean Southern California, then southern I am. And coffee is in my blood.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:27 PM
Wow! An enjoyable read!
Re: Time Thief by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	30-Mar-06/12:24 PM
Your a southern girl so procrastination is in your blood. I have no excuse for why I procrastinate. If only I were a pothead.
Re: Old Friend by drnick	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	30-Mar-06/12:22 PM
Hmmm, not bad. It's got a sing song feel to it. And you've put it as free verse. OOps sorry. Looks like ecargo out did me in my comment. This is a common theme, but when well written, it's worth a read, and you've brought out something in it. Good work.
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:15 PM
I completely missed the deafness in here, i was thinking of people being deliberately quiet so as not to disturb someone who they think is asleep (maybe terminal in a hospital). It's a good poem without the explanation, but it's a super poem with it.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	drnick 24.176.22.254	30-Mar-06/12:07 PM
Ya, they're just jelous. I think the point is to help someone with one's comments, not try to make their work seem like the worst thing ever written in order to make your own poetry seem significant.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	Ranger 62.252.32.15	30-Mar-06/12:03 PM
'English girls like Kylie Minogue'...I can't tell if you're having a laugh or not! Partying? Lord no, a few days in Cornwall...pretty much the antithesis of partying.
Re: Clothed by D. $ Fontera	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:43 AM
Sorry, I don't get it.
Re: Quiet Hands by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:41 AM
While I see what's going on, the details seem too vague for such trauma. And the ending seems like the wail should come before the attempt, that is if the baby dies of choking. But again, that is uncertain.
Re: a comment on Cat Feet by Niphredil	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/11:35 AM
Arrrg. You're perfectly right. I simply really tried to avoid saying *the D-word*...but I guess it'll have to be clarified.
Re: Cat Feet by Niphredil	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:32 AM
Knowing what you have said about the narrator, this makes a lot of sense. Without knowing that, it would slip past me like a quiet cat. Perhaps you could hint with something like, "ears or not, I know you're there."
Re: Quiet Hands by Sunny	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/11:28 AM
This is an interesting piece in that although the concept of stopping time is very common, you give a vivid and fascinating rendering of this which is definitely worth a read. Critique: the repetition of "these hands" in S1 is redundant. Lose one, or replace with an alternative description. Also, "the arms" in line 5 contribute to repetitiveness. You don't want to bore the reader. In addition, "these hands droop like stagnant breath"... the droopiness implies movement. I couldn't reconcile the drooping hands with the hands in a coma; they should be frozen stiff, not sag. shuts-off - the hyphen not necessary. My favorite bits were the 'complacent gown', and I really loved the last stanza. Good work!
Re: SOMETIMES? by Garrett S Sexton	x0lovelylarnx0 64.12.116.14	30-Mar-06/11:28 AM
I gave this a 0 because not only is this poem about shit it really is a piece of shit!
Re: a comment on Cat Feet by Niphredil	Niphredil 132.69.238.221	30-Mar-06/11:17 AM
Heh, the narrator is a bit paranoid. He's also, unfortunately for him, going deaf. Incidentally, have you ever noticed those terrible facial exaggerations that people make when talking to a person who is hard of hearing? As if an invisible someone was stretching their expressions just a teensy bit more than they ought.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:17 AM
I see what you mean, and I know that this does not have to be the end of the story. I could write another verse about admitting defeat, giving up, and finally being rescued.
Re: a comment on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:16 AM
That’s good and bad to hear from someone whose poems I seldom understand. But, on occasion, a glimmer. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Time Thief by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	30-Mar-06/11:08 AM
The cartoon diversion is no more than a fun way to show how much more we can do if we stop hurrying. You’re right, it doesn’t belong there. I was inspired to write this admittedly didactic aphorism to counter slogans like Poor Richard’s, “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure.” It seems to me that most such proverbs are too simplistic to be of much value. Thanks for raising your vote and for the comments.
Re: a comment on Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy	ecargo 167.219.88.140	30-Mar-06/10:08 AM
Wow--it's like a clash of the (snark) titans. ;-D Classic.