Re: Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	6-Jun-06/1:29 PM
The cadence of your rhyme is too upbeat for a somber poem. One half expects a punchline at the end, which could actually work. See: Then an angel came to apologize -"We just noticed your last name's Bitler."- -"Turns out all this terrible time we thought we were screwing with Hitler."
Re: a comment on An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Jun-06/1:17 PM
Heh
Re: a comment on An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz	ALChemy 71.75.176.68	6-Jun-06/1:06 PM
How sweet it would be to see you parody this and E-mail to the rankers. Something like this but less vulgar: Dear Dick When you attend the Convention and orgy, you will present your anus in front of your fellow poets from around the world (Our last orgy was celebrated by over 2500 anuses from 58 countries worldwide!), and you will be presented with your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Silver Butt Plug. The Plug is a magnificent work of art (a $200.00 value) that measures over 11 inches across and over 17 inches high, handcrafted in silver, with your name custom-engraved on a beautiful cherry wood base (see it here). I’m sure it will merit a special place of pride in your home. Your award is so large and heavy that you may wish to bring an extra suitcase to carry it home!. As a valued "member" you receive our special introductory rim job if you return this form back within 14 days. Your Poem...
Re: a comment on Herencia Latina by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	6-Jun-06/12:50 PM
Thanks for your comment, Amanda - it's always nice to hear from you and especially when poemranker's being as quiet as it is right now. The poem's meant to be distracting - partly to reflect the nature of the music, and also so that when people tell me they think it's about sex I can look indignant and accuse them of having a one-track mind ;-) Viole is, on the surface meaning from 'viol', being the root of violin, viola, violoncello - the guitar's tuning (the 'toned' neck) being equivalent to what you'd get if you tuned any of those instruments up on 3 of the 4 strings. Technically it should be 'viol' I think, but in the latinate context of the piece I thought I could get away with it. I'll leave the explanation of the french part for now - maybe someone will piece that bit together.
Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	6-Jun-06/10:30 AM
Ranger, this is wonderful. A riddle poem, I must say. If it wasn't for Imp's insight I was getting quite distracted by Dovina's ideas, wondering what in the world could you be so precisely explaining. Am not familiar with viole, is it to do with a shade of violet? Am clueless.
Re: a comment on Nomads by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	6-Jun-06/10:15 AM
Wow, Thanks Cadacus. I never thought you'd give anything over a 6 or a 7, seriously. And thanks for taking the time to read my previously posted poems. I'm curious, what made you read them?
Re: a comment on A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	6-Jun-06/10:11 AM
Cadacus, Thank you. This piece is still in the process of editing. I see what you mean, and similar opinions have also been shared, so I accept this graciously. Thank you.
Re: a comment on An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz	nentwined 68.232.253.122	5-Jun-06/10:08 AM
I'd chip in a few bucks to see a video of that. :)
Re: An Invitation From Poetry.com by scitz	Ranger 62.252.32.15	5-Jun-06/9:19 AM
If you could read that poem out loud in front of 2500 poets (from 58 countries worldwide!) and keep a straight face you would deserve your $200.00 value! Love the salad idea.
Re: The Angel at the arcade (this is actually an 'acne') by scitz	Ranger 62.252.32.15	5-Jun-06/9:15 AM
Damnation, I was going to steal this to read aloud at a convention of poets in the hopes of stealing all the glory. You are the master of pimpliterature (not to be confused with pimp literature, something altogether different) and as such will always be awarded tens due to the dictates of the Mediocrity Checkliste. I have to admit, the place missed you, not that I've been around all that much, but still. 90 percent of all the poetry I've read online (mostly on MySpace) conforms to the stylistic regulations of this piece. I've left a few comments with people telling them what they've done wrong, but rarely ever been replied to. However, I'd like to suggest that the definition of a Pimple ought to be updated to include 'Must contain at least one reference to a rose'.
Re: A Schizophrenic by amanda_dcosta	Caducus 86.141.200.125	5-Jun-06/1:53 AM
Some of the rhymings off due to a sense of allegiance of rhtme over substance but their is also some good lines notably 17-19 and first stza fairly good.
Re: Nomads by amanda_dcosta	Caducus 86.141.200.125	5-Jun-06/1:50 AM
Now this is real good and line 3 is the thoughts i would share when i see the same view. V.good
Re: a comment on Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7	tisa7 169.139.225.2	3-Jun-06/11:29 AM
i dont put my own 10's i would rather see what people think cause thats why i put poems on here
Re: a comment on Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	3-Jun-06/10:40 AM
Imp, every life has it's share of self-pitying plea. I presume that if your life were the same as his, you too would be singing the same song. Only your way of singing it would probably be with the bottle.... one for the road.... one to drown your sorrows, etc.Thank God for small mercies. The story he related is not because he has no whereto turn to, or nothing else to do, but it's related so that you will feel the needs of others, especially of those alone. Not having material wealth is one thing, but having a feeling of lonliness with no one to share your suffering is an agony in itself. You ask, what 'did' he leave behind? I tell you he left us an awareness that there are people who need people like you and me to take note of them, not for our full pockets, but perhaps a look, a word of cheer, a smile.
Re: a comment on Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	3-Jun-06/10:31 AM
Thanks Ranger. I must agree that it's a bit lengthy, but I wanted to put in all the details of the story. May be a few edits could portray it better.
Re: a comment on Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	amanda_dcosta 202.164.142.153	3-Jun-06/10:29 AM
Cadacus, this is the pitiful story of a 'beggarman' I came across way back in 2001. To some extent it's true. And I must say it's supposed to convey his state of mind, that of a depressed, self-pitying mind. Infact, what has been his inspiration other than the life of hunger, drudgery and lonliness?
Re: a comment on dr. bowmp bowmp by FreeFormFixation	FreeFormFixation 70.225.185.202	3-Jun-06/1:57 AM
it's a real song and i'll post the link when we have it up. sorry, but them detracting stanzas gotta stay.
Re: A Sleepless Night by EJHW	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Jun-06/4:29 PM
Agreed with Imp, I'd also suggest you need a little more tactility in the last two stanzas and a few more rhythmic/grammatical alterations. 'Mist of sadness does remain' is a nice line, but personally I dislike use of 'do/does' as syllabic filler - it brings nothing grammatically and could be overcome easily ('mist of sadness still remains', or something similar). As far as first posts go, though, I've seen much worse. Welcome to poemranker - my tip is that if you want comments (which I assume you do) you're going to need to give a lot out. People seem to have been very quiet recently; you need to get their attention.
Re: a comment on Herencia Latina by Ranger	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Jun-06/4:22 PM
Lune - more or less spot on. Viole is the right word, but it's not a dictionary.com reference, sadly. I'll wait and see what other people make of it before attempting the explanation. Hope you have a relaxed weekend!
Re: Won’t Somebody Be My Friend by amanda_dcosta	lmp 141.154.134.3	2-Jun-06/3:40 PM
i have to agree with Cadacus on this one. as i read the last few stanzas, i felt little pity. after all, what *did* you leave behind? in fact, other than getting married and having family as a child, what did you do for other people at all? what ways did you make anyone's life better on this earth? the story seems to keep asking for handouts, at first for basic food shelter and clothing, then for employment, and then for unconditional friendship. the story is anything but inspiring. there is nothing that tells how you overcame adversity, how you persevered when times were tough, just that you did, somehow. also the part about just "getting a wife" seems a bit too glossed over. she just felt bad for you and married you and took you into her life? i appreciate what you are trying to do here, but it lacks substance, soul, and compassion of its own. it comes across as only a self-pitying plea.