Re: TO MY SON on his 25th birthday by outdoorzylady	Dovina 12.72.43.47	30-Jul-06/3:59 PM
I like the straightforward, no nonsense, presentation. While some may complain of poetic negligence, sincerity is there. For that I’d give a 10. But since the poetry, for what little poetic excellence is really worth, is worth only a 5 in my opinion, have an 8. And enjoy your son.
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	Dovina 12.72.43.47	30-Jul-06/3:54 PM
One of many Bush-war-slams these days. The unusual thing about this one is "chemical weapons." Just how do you mean that?
Re: a comment on book drop here by A. Nomaly	A. Nomaly 67.136.160.45	30-Jul-06/2:53 PM
it's about collection and building, the use and building of credit, platforms for understanding and conceptualizing people, relationships, items, existence, how thought thin they are (fickle and easily burned), so urgent and necessary (like tuesday and thursday), it gets personal
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	some deleted user 198.54.202.210	30-Jul-06/5:04 AM
Why, was that too much for you to understand in one reading?
Re: Cold Collapse by MacFrantic	Dovina 70.38.78.229	29-Jul-06/3:13 PM
I wish I could figure this out. It sounds like it might be interesting.
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	29-Jul-06/2:42 PM
Perhaps you could sum it up with “supercilious.” Just a thought.
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	some deleted user 198.54.202.226	29-Jul-06/12:48 PM
Hmm, well I don't want to sound rude but this has been done a million times before, mostly on poemranker. Seriously, the 'loneliness-pain-death' theme could not be more overused. If you do think it's a subject you want to write about then please please please find a more original way of saying it. Have a read around poemranker, 50% of the poems on here contain more or less the same content as this, and that makes it boring for those few of us who actually read what's posted. If you really want to grab the reader's attention, give them something unique, clever and surprising. Read through a few dozen of the poems here in the lower half, note the recurring themes/phrases/words and avoid them at all costs. I'm not joking - count how many other pieces contain 'tears', 'loneliness', 'heart', 'pain', 'hurt' and 'fear'. You'll see what I mean; after reading a few they all start to blend into one and aren't interesting. Or if you don't want to read through all those poems, read the definition of 'pimple poem' given on the ranker. I hope this is ultimately of some use to you with your writing.
Re: Cupid Missed Two Junkies (slightly clearer, rambling draft) by Ranger	some deleted user 198.54.202.226	29-Jul-06/12:40 PM
Cupid ... I've seen countless poems about Cupid. This is not by far the most original.
Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger	some deleted user 198.54.202.234	29-Jul-06/12:37 PM
Potential, potential ... but not quite there.
Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger	some deleted user 198.54.202.226	29-Jul-06/12:35 PM
You take the meaning of "free verse" to a whole new level, and I don't mean that as a compliment.
Re: The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	some deleted user 198.54.202.234	29-Jul-06/11:42 AM
Maybe someone would start caring if you changed your soddy attitude. I've seen comments that you've left on others' poems, and they were RUDE to put it mildy. My previous comments were left to teach you a lesson. It's not nice when you put effort into writing something, only to have someone else come tell you how unoriginal it is and how bad it is, when in fact this person is a far better writer than you ever have hope of being. For the record, she's been published more than just a few times ... have you ??? Learn your lesson in manners, child. Grow up and start being NICE to others for a change; would it kill you?????
Re: Never Love A Poet by Caducus	some deleted user 198.54.202.234	29-Jul-06/11:34 AM
You really need to work on your grammar.
Re: A Time to Dance by Dovina	some deleted user 198.54.202.234	29-Jul-06/11:30 AM
This has the potential to be an incredibly good write. It just wasn't, though. I see below comments that you're trying to explain the poem; if you need to do that that's when you really know that it was a bad write. Maybe stick to writing about things more personal and therefore more readable. Poetry is supposed to be FELT ... yet I felt nothing when I read this.
Re: 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus	some deleted user 198.54.202.226	29-Jul-06/11:27 AM
Topics like this are sooooo overdone. I feel lack of originality here. Have you run out of ideas to write on?
Re: Diary by Dovina	some deleted user 198.54.202.226	29-Jul-06/11:25 AM
This doesn't read very smoothly at all, to me. What bugs me about this is that each line is a different length. The first stanza has the right idea, but from there it goes bad. I didn't enjoy reading this at all.
Re: a comment on Diary by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	29-Jul-06/8:20 AM
I like this much more. It's got more of you in it. It seems more honest, more like a diary now.
Re: fragment by ecargo	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	29-Jul-06/8:11 AM
Reminds me of the days of the cold war.
Re: fragment by ecargo	Dovina 17.255.240.138	28-Jul-06/5:18 PM
I like the blare/Blair inuendo, if it is one - works for me. The "eons come undone" line reads as if some new thing is going on - new ways of doing it maybe. The thousand rockets equation to a thousand hopes makes it look like every rocket kills a hope, which is far from true. "past it's masters' keeping" shows the crude technology, and the rest shows how it is working.
Re: a comment on Diary by Dovina	Dovina 17.255.240.138	28-Jul-06/5:08 PM
Thanks for the good comments. I've revised it again. But I am so in love with the verisimilitude line, it has to stay. The way I see the diary, it is a collection of symbols and representations of the truth about what really happened. So it is not fact, but something near fact. And as I look back at it, some is ridiculously far from fact.
Re: 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Jul-06/2:14 PM
Some great details in this. "scene from a perfect haiku" seems too obvious. Second verse is my favorite.