Re: Here's your God by Caducus	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	1-Aug-06/5:45 AM
I think G-d would be proud of this poem.
Re: Here's your God by Caducus	Caducus 86.137.20.84	1-Aug-06/5:33 AM
rough draft
Re: Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig	Mr Pig 86.137.20.84	1-Aug-06/4:36 AM
one for the brits on this site, are their any left though? Wrote this hoping the sarc meister that is stephen robins or dark angel would add their quips.
Re: Hot by Dovina	ALChemy 71.75.188.163	1-Aug-06/3:25 AM
The last 4 lines sound cliche but the rest is golden.
Re: Jay by MacFrantic	Ranger 81.156.72.146	1-Aug-06/12:47 AM
Is the jay a small aerial drone, and the swarm the bombers which follow its lead? It could almost be about a queen bee as well, except in the poem it's 'he' and 'silent'. If I'm wrong, don't give me the answer. I'll come back this evening and work it out.
Re: fragment by ecargo	Ranger 81.156.72.146	1-Aug-06/12:41 AM
If 'blare' is meant as a pun, then I feel I must protest in the strongest possible way. Having been subject to his rule, I can safely say that his chatter is never empty. It is crammed to the rafters with bullshit. Oh, and good poem ;-)
Re: Hot by Dovina	Ranger 81.156.72.146	1-Aug-06/12:35 AM
Grand, some excellent lines ('a watched sun never sets'). 'Loosens' was a bit cumbersome for my reading. No other problems. Is 'fifties' meant as double for the 1950's (sans pollution) and for 50 degrees (it'd have to be centigrade though, unless you meant it as a 50 degree angle to refer back to the sun...)?
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	Ranger 81.156.72.146	1-Aug-06/12:23 AM
That would explain the discomfort in my bow'ls. Phew, that's a clarifier all right - up till now I'd put it down to laughing too hard.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 81.156.72.146	1-Aug-06/12:20 AM
Bravo, sir, bravo! I bow down before your mastery of ironic resubmitting of my own comment. How could I have ever been so naive as to believe this may be a decent poem? How could I have ever been so arrogantly callous as to attempt critiquing a poet who has achieved the lofty heights of publication? Clearly such a being is beyond my mortal comprehension. But wait... If you had actually read this piece, you would have seen that I have followed every single guideline set down in that comment. You would have also read the comment in its original context and noted with abject disbelief that I had spent a considerable amount of time constructing a considerate, honest and polite critique. I wouldn't usually bother giving that much time (which I don't have right now) to a newcomer posting poetry like that, but I hoped that it would spark some discussion from a published poet who absoutely *must* have received a few critiques in their time, and I could therefore learn from. Instead...I got slathered in what closely resembles the brownly pumpings of a rusted snatchwagon. Your inability to read comments leaves me less-than-full of hope for your ability to read poetry. The mere fact that I didn't jizz myself over your friend's attempts at poetry is no reason to insult me. I was thoughtful, honest and polite to her; if you aren't going to return the gesture then kindly leave me alone -bow'ls-
Re: a comment on A Cripples Brittle Broken Bones by creepshow	creepshow 66.41.134.109	31-Jul-06/2:53 PM
Yeah, my thoughts were a bit rambled, but you apparently got the message. I appreciate your comments, and thanks for the vote.
Re: Major by rahson_s	Dovina 12.72.43.242	31-Jul-06/1:19 PM
A fine remembrance. What more is there to say.
Re: Jay by MacFrantic	Dovina 12.72.43.242	31-Jul-06/1:16 PM
I think it would be better not to start with "there are," and to rearrange the sentence for a stronger beginning. "Cellophane smoke" is descriptive, but it adds little besides smokiness to the smoke. I don't know what you mean by "trading storms" or "swarming jay." The birds (jays) don't normally swarm, and how do the other kind? Metal lords scorch the clouds . . majestic shrouds - good line.
Re: fragment by ecargo	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/1:12 PM
Great meter. Just great.
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/1:09 PM
Good rant. Good ol free speech.
Re: A Cripples Brittle Broken Bones by creepshow	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/1:07 PM
A bit too busy here. The tense changes are a little annoying. However, the last four lines are outstanding and the concept is good.
Re: you & you all congregators by A. Nomaly	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/1:05 PM
Great.
Re: Hot by Dovina	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/1:04 PM
Good message, maybe replace the second vice with something else. Love the rhythm, especially the first stanza.
Re: Major by rahson_s	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/12:59 PM
I love L7. That makes the poem for me.
Re: Diary by Dovina	MacFrantic 172.192.126.180	31-Jul-06/12:57 PM
Verisimilitude throws this off a bit, but I think it fits as a noticeable oddity. Really a good poem, overall.
Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina	Caducus 86.137.20.84	31-Jul-06/1:37 AM
Dovina this user called friend has been stalking certain people atoning comments they didnt like on their own work. In some kitchen, somewhere in the world their is a bunny simmering and possibly a zit ridden teen sticking pins in us lol.