poemranker ::Nights in the city of Godiva by Mr Pig

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Other № 144920

Nights in the city of Godiva

by Mr Pig

Member since 2003 · Posted 1 Aug 2006 · Edited 1 Aug 2006 · 14 comments

1) Local Derby Match Cov VS Villa Beaten till Aston Villa claret The sky blue hooligan uttered ‘who’s beat the villa now you cant’ then finished him off with a free kick in the windpipe. 2) Refused Entry to Mr G’s 1998 Bouncer: ‘I cant let you in wearing that’ why whats wrong with it? Bouncer: ‘Look I told you you aint coming with them on they’re too fuckin studenty’ but I am a student Bouncer” ‘not very smart though are you, I said you aint comin in ‘can I speak to the manager’ Bouncer: Unless you wanna speak to my fuckin fists mate I suggest you fuck off ‘whats your name I’m complaining’ ‘I’m God here now fuck off 3) The Skydomes defiant message to Brummies as works about to finish on the Skydome ‘Skydome opening soon – Sorry Birmingham’ Birminghams Answer The multi million pound refurbished Bull ring centre and no embarressing quip. 4) Kebab Shop Customer 3AM near Scholars nightclub Rough looking girl reeking of vodka barges through the queue and says to the Middle Eastern worker who served her ‘your kebabs are dirty they just made me puke’ middle eastern guy replies ‘no madam you is drunk’ ‘you fuckin kosovans do my head in takin over our city’ (girl then ralphs up against his wall)

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14 comments

[n/a] Mr Pig 1-Aug-06/4:36 AM Reply
one for the brits on this site, are their any left though?

Wrote this hoping the sarc meister that is stephen robins or dark angel would add their quips.
[9] Stephen Robins › Mr Pig 1-Aug-06/6:39 AM Reply
There once was city called Brum,
When I say city, I mean slum,
Their accents a curse,
Unifying the diverse,
Under the general banner of "scum".

Mr Pig, it is a delight to have you back.
[n/a] Mr Pig › Stephen Robins 2-Aug-06/7:51 AM Reply
Tis a delight to be back Sire.

Birmingham is a vile city full of bumptuous metrosexuals and a place one would rather forget after my rather unsavoury incident with a harlot in spearmint rhino.

Why do they call it that anyway? its not like theirs any spearmints even though some of the ladies of the night resemble rhino's.

More of a Mollie Sugden chap me.
[9] Stephen Robins › Mr Pig 3-Aug-06/4:05 AM Reply
I feel I should warn you that since you have been away Dovina has taken to wearing dungarees over everyones poemes. If anyone needed, but was less likely to get, cock it is that grisseled old dyke with her shabby, drooping ewok.

On an entirely different subject, I recently found myself in the "Rhino". I just don't see what could possibly be attractive about some flappy titted old hag with an Essex accent braying "owight you cant you gunna let me stick moi flaps in yer face?"
[n/a] Dovina › Mr Pig 5-Aug-06/9:22 AM Reply
To Stephen Robins, it is pretentious to use any phrase, which is not colloquial in certain circles and seen by them as smutty, fantastic, and original. It cannot be expected that he will any day soon become articulate. Yet, it is possible that after a discipline of long evenings reading good literature, he might advance a step or two toward the tragic enchantments of CLS.
[9] Stephen Robins › Dovina 14-Aug-06/4:20 AM Reply
I read a great deal of good literature. Whether this means, like you, I must then refine it through my addled brain into monstrous outpourings of bilge or alternatively retain it within the confines of my head for my enjoyment is my own business.

However, if it is a measure of intellect to be able to decipher what the hell you're on about in the above comment I would welcome being compared to the dribble on CLS Wheeledchair.
[8] ecargo 1-Aug-06/7:37 AM Reply
You can almost see the embedded dirt of Coventry. The kebab shoppe made me laugh the most. Middle Eastern food may be the worst to barf up (it's the cumin).

Liked the dialog with the bouncer too. The harshest beatdown I ever saw was in the UK--we had a couple of days at Blackpool (nothing like what I expected--sort of a down-at-heel, minor-scale Mardi Gras, which came as a shock to us unsuspecting Yanks), and some guy tried to push his way past a ham-fisted bouncer, who knocked him down and HAMMERED him until the cops came along and HAMMERED him. I've seen NYC bouncer/cop beatdowns, but damn, nothing, nothing like that.

[n/a] Mr Pig › ecargo 2-Aug-06/7:55 AM Reply
Ahh the infamous North England beating by a thug in a bow tie with half mast farrah's - I do miss taking Vera for a tea dance at the Savoy there, that was until it turned into a sex shop mart selling fellatio snow globes and rampant rabbi's (or is it rabbits i never was quite sure)
[9] Ranger › ecargo 3-Aug-06/1:46 PM Reply
Blackpool's never really had that sort of appeal. You want to try the summer solstice at Stonehenge ;-)
[8] ecargo › Ranger 3-Aug-06/2:01 PM Reply
No--I meant Blackpool WAS like a smallish, seedier Mardi Gras when we were there (which we weren't expecting--we were there to ride roller coasters, which were most excellent, and figured we'd grab a drink somewhere afterward, which led us into madness). I'd prefer the Callanish stones for the solstice. Too many neohippies at Stonehenge. (Probably on Lewis too, come to that) ;)

Do you go to Eistenfodd? Being in Wales and all?

Kudos for resurrecting "bow'ls." Always makes me laugh.
[8] ecargo › ecargo 3-Aug-06/2:05 PM Reply
Make that "Eisteddfod." Freaking Welsh double d's and f's and such.
[9] Ranger › ecargo 5-Aug-06/10:20 PM Reply
Not going to Eisteddfod this year (it started yesterday I think), but I'm back in England for the summer. I have it on the highest authority that far from merely being a festival of poets and artists, it's actually a celebration of hedonism and drunken revelry to surpass anything we English could manage. It certainly outdoes my village's local fire show, which is also this weekend - and which I'm also going to miss. I guess there's a moral in there somewhere, but I'm damned if I can work out what it is.
[9] Ranger › ecargo 5-Aug-06/10:13 PM Reply
It's been scientifically proven that to neglect one's bow'ls for too long has dire consequences. So really, even if I had remained inactive they would have returned, bidden or not.
[9] Ranger 3-Aug-06/1:44 PM Reply
When on earth was the last time that Villa played Coventry in any meaningful competition?