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Nights in the city of Godiva (Other) by Mr Pig 1) Local Derby Match Cov VS Villa
Beaten till Aston Villa claret
The sky blue hooligan uttered
âwhoâs beat the villa now you cantâ
then finished him off
with a free kick in the windpipe.
2) Refused Entry to Mr Gâs 1998
Bouncer: âI cant let you in wearing thatâ
why whats wrong with it?
Bouncer: âLook I told you you aint coming with them on
theyâre too fuckin studentyâ
but I am a student
Bouncerâ ânot very smart though are you, I said you aint comin in
âcan I speak to the managerâ
Bouncer: Unless you wanna speak to my fuckin fists mate I suggest you
fuck off
âwhats your name Iâm complainingâ
âIâm God here now fuck off
3) The Skydomes defiant message to Brummies as works about to finish on
the Skydome
âSkydome opening soon â Sorry Birminghamâ
Birminghams Answer
The multi million pound refurbished Bull ring centre and no embarressing
quip.
4) Kebab Shop Customer 3AM near Scholars nightclub
Rough looking girl reeking of vodka barges through the queue and says to
the Middle Eastern worker who served her
âyour kebabs are dirty they just made me pukeâ
middle eastern guy replies âno madam you is drunkâ
âyou fuckin kosovans do my head in takin over our cityâ
(girl then ralphs up against his wall)
Up the ladder:
Roses
Down the ladder:
Exist For You
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: August 1, 2006 4:31 AM PDT; Last modified: August 1, 2006 4:54 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2384057 Overall Rank: 4059 Comments:
You can almost see the embedded dirt of Coventry. The kebab shoppe made me laugh the most. Middle Eastern food may be the worst to barf up (it's the cumin).
Liked the dialog with the bouncer too. The harshest beatdown I ever saw was in the UK--we had a couple of days at Blackpool (nothing like what I expected--sort of a down-at-heel, minor-scale Mardi Gras, which came as a shock to us unsuspecting Yanks), and some guy tried to push his way past a ham-fisted bouncer, who knocked him down and HAMMERED him until the cops came along and HAMMERED him. I've seen NYC bouncer/cop beatdowns, but damn, nothing, nothing like that.
Ahh the infamous North England beating by a thug in a bow tie with half mast farrah's - I do miss taking Vera for a tea dance at the Savoy there, that was until it turned into a sex shop mart selling fellatio snow globes and rampant rabbi's (or is it rabbits i never was quite sure)
Blackpool's never really had that sort of appeal. You want to try the summer solstice at Stonehenge ;-)
No--I meant Blackpool WAS like a smallish, seedier Mardi Gras when we were there (which we weren't expecting--we were there to ride roller coasters, which were most excellent, and figured we'd grab a drink somewhere afterward, which led us into madness). I'd prefer the Callanish stones for the solstice. Too many neohippies at Stonehenge. (Probably on Lewis too, come to that) ;)
Do you go to Eistenfodd? Being in Wales and all? Kudos for resurrecting "bow'ls." Always makes me laugh.
Make that "Eisteddfod." Freaking Welsh double d's and f's and such.
Not going to Eisteddfod this year (it started yesterday I think), but I'm back in England for the summer. I have it on the highest authority that far from merely being a festival of poets and artists, it's actually a celebration of hedonism and drunken revelry to surpass anything we English could manage. It certainly outdoes my village's local fire show, which is also this weekend - and which I'm also going to miss. I guess there's a moral in there somewhere, but I'm damned if I can work out what it is.
It's been scientifically proven that to neglect one's bow'ls for too long has dire consequences. So really, even if I had remained inactive they would have returned, bidden or not.
When on earth was the last time that Villa played Coventry in any meaningful competition?
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Wrote this hoping the sarc meister that is stephen robins or dark angel would add their quips.
When I say city, I mean slum,
Their accents a curse,
Unifying the diverse,
Under the general banner of "scum".
Mr Pig, it is a delight to have you back.
Birmingham is a vile city full of bumptuous metrosexuals and a place one would rather forget after my rather unsavoury incident with a harlot in spearmint rhino.
Why do they call it that anyway? its not like theirs any spearmints even though some of the ladies of the night resemble rhino's.
More of a Mollie Sugden chap me.
On an entirely different subject, I recently found myself in the "Rhino". I just don't see what could possibly be attractive about some flappy titted old hag with an Essex accent braying "owight you cant you gunna let me stick moi flaps in yer face?"
However, if it is a measure of intellect to be able to decipher what the hell you're on about in the above comment I would welcome being compared to the dribble on CLS Wheeledchair.