Re: darabuka by skaskowski	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/4:01 AM
i liked the recurring "lay low" to begin stanzas. it seems to me that refrain was abandoned far too early in the poem, which turns into a loose stream-of-consciousness type rant without a focal point. this seems to be going somewhere good, but right now there's just no focus.
Re: hate by ts	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/3:42 AM
I've seen better things written in shit on public toilets. Even without the ridiculous spelling errors you still have no originality and no rhyme scheme. I expect you'll enjoy this comment, however, as it will give the opportunity to write a poem about 'tht fkn btch hu slagd of mi poem, lyk.' Go on. Slag me off. I dare you. Utter tripe, and well deserving of being in the 'worst.'
Re: SLIM JIM by PodPoet	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/3:40 AM
i don't get it.
Re: Products of Pacifisim by Nuit	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/3:37 AM
i like the sentiment a lot, and i agree with the main points. But somehow the poem itself really doesn't move me. needs some sort of concrete imagery to give the invective grounding. worry not though, this is just one lunatic's opinion.
Re: Exposing Anne Frank by Caducus	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/3:31 AM
clever! very tight writing and good depth, even on a well-worn path.
Re: a comment on Buttocks. by Ulterius	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/3:04 AM
I'd offer my buttocks freely to you if they weren't so firmly attached to someone else.
Re: An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/3:00 AM
grotesque. captivating. wan autumn's fart is superb. lines 3 and 4 don't add anything useful. middle 2 stanzas are pretty clever. very original stuff for the most part, but for me the gross-out factor ends up killing it at the end.
Re: a comment on A Fucking Kinky Homecoming by Edna Sweetlove	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/2:55 AM
Of course I gave it ten. It's still very, very funny, even if it doesn't quite live up to its predecessor.
Re: Singing by ThereseWaneck	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	9-Sep-06/2:46 AM
i feel ya. sloshin' is a weak beginning though; reverse the order of lines 1 and 2. last stanza rocks rocks rocks.
Re: a comment on A Fucking Kinky Homecoming by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.234.217	9-Sep-06/2:30 AM
But you gave it 10. I like 10. Inches. On the slack.
Re: a comment on Buttocks. by Ulterius	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.234.217	9-Sep-06/2:28 AM
I'd like to.
Re: Limp Cock by Edna Sweetlove	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/2:27 AM
The 'splat' at the end is a new addition, I believe, and a very good one, also. Amusing and repulsive.
Re: A Fucking Kinky Homecoming by Edna Sweetlove	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/2:26 AM
What a lovely homecoming! I must say, your life sounds far more exciting than mine. However, I must be an anus, because 'Farting In A Cathedral' still gets me every time, and is my favourite of your poems. Perhaps it is the highly amusing audio version of it which helps.
Re: a comment on Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.234.217	9-Sep-06/2:25 AM
Well, it was a way to end it I suppose. I was mainly thinking of Wolverhampton.
Re: a comment on Buttocks. by Ulterius	Ulterius 82.46.97.41	9-Sep-06/2:23 AM
I'd like to think so, but I don't look that often.
Re: a comment on With Old Light by Ranger	Ranger 86.131.56.81	8-Sep-06/11:53 PM
I may have got this far, but there's still a long way to go yet... Metre is where I usually fall down, I'm still coming to terms with words not doing everything I want them to, precisely when I want them to ;-) I'll work on getting the stresses right (it may take a while though...) Perhaps I should change the opening stanza to something less pictorial? Stanza 6 is going, when next I edit this, and I really like Niphredil's idea for altering the final stanza, so maybe if I just keep 2, 3, 4 and 5 they'll have plenty enough images to see the poem through. It's a wrench to leave out some lines, but I'll save them for another outing, methinks ;-)
Re: weather poem part 11: the muffin by nypoet22	Ranger 86.131.56.81	8-Sep-06/11:39 PM
The first line is class and the imagery in here is pretty unique to the subject, I think. Lines 8 and 9, although fun, seem a little...erm...simple, maybe, in comparison with the rest? The content is good there but I'd have preferred it to be rephrased. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed this :-)
Re: End of day poem by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.56.81	8-Sep-06/11:34 PM
Love some of the passages in here - 'seeds cling to stem', 'hidden labyrinths', 'curved shield of pewter sky' etc. I also like the way you begin with 'new gold' (of young grain, I assume) as opposed to the older amber light. Metre isn't my strong point, but 'over' was awkward to me, I'd have felt more comfortable with 'across', somehow. Line 13 I think should be 'Cicadas' (unless it's the churn of a cicada, not sure what you're getting at there). I do really like this though, the gentleness and natural beauty. Makes me think of home :-)
Re: Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	8-Sep-06/3:40 PM
this reads like a novella. i greatly enjoyed the continuous stream of vitriol in the various pieces of the puzzle, but found myself wanting some sort of break to make the whole rant seem a bit less haphazard. also, i find the end a little disturbing. personally i could do without getting my shite blown up by usama's crew.
Re: Coyote Sunsets by DamienDen	nypoet22 70.149.108.201	8-Sep-06/3:21 PM
some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.