Re: untitled by harryparatestes	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/3:47 PM
A good start, this. A good concept. Forgotten tears seems to contradict with painful memories. And opportunities should replace the "y's" construct I think. Broken and shattered mean about the same thing. "thers" should be "there's"; "its", "it's".
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:35 PM
multilayered bit of fun...is it deep....is it ironic ...surely not cynical... a comment on the human condition or aspiration...i give up... enjoyed reading it though :)
Re: untitled by harryparatestes	pete 195.92.168.164	2-Oct-06/3:28 PM
not that i'm into angels but it would have worked better for me with " angels on every breeze..." ... also "opportunities" .... nit-picking i know but that's what we're here for... nice poem :)
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/2:16 PM
Yes, it's a recurring discussion, probably because we humans cannot seem to to get it into our heads that any good God lets crap happen. This street preacher doesn't understand it either, but he has an appealing solution. And yes, his solution comes from gospels written after Jesus' death.
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/2:08 PM
I look like a half-starved urchin in dire need of a haircut - or, failing that, a flamethrower. They only prey on me because nobody in a suit is going to give them anything. I hope this gospel is not one of the ones written after Jesus' death, otherwise his take on it may be tricky to know. Haven't we had the God-evil discussion before? I know I've talked with ALChemy and Amanda about it at some point.
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/1:58 PM
You must look like someone with money. The appealing thing about this street preacher is that he does not look like all the others. He has a unique and honest-sounding take on the Gospel. Maybe the same kind of take Jesus had.
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/1:55 PM
I agree that it seems of uncertain intent, as if the the narrator is searching for some truth. The first verse seems to be about Jesus and his parables. He calls himslef the Door, and the narrator walks through. Then in Verse 2, Narroator gets confused about something that the poem does not describe. I think it would be stronger if you say what confuses him. Verse 3 is mostly a repeat of Verse 2 and brings us no closer to an understanding of the confusion.
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/1:52 PM
Probably. I rarely come into contact with the street preachers. We occasionally have some Zionists in town, and there used to be a Muslim bloke who'd stand on one of the benches and yell at us. Problem was, nobody could figure out a damn word he was saying. I've become pretty adept at avoiding hustlers in the street though; a necessary precaution as there are always people trying to sign me up to the various charities. I don't have any money, why don't they understand?
Re: a comment on Street Preacher by Dovina	Dovina 70.38.78.229	2-Oct-06/1:44 PM
Maybe it's the kind of thing that requires a certain kind of reader's upbringing to appreciate.
Re: Street Preacher by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/1:37 PM
It felt like prose up until stanza 5, then it morphed into rap, and the last stanza was different again. I don't really know what else to think of this, it didn't do much for me I'm afraid.
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/1:31 PM
It's better this way - more consistent and scans better. I think this is one which you will find evolves, and as it does, you will work out what you want it to say - or if you know what you want it to say, you'll work out how you want it to say it. I'll read through the edits of this, hopefully some others will give their views on where you're going. Recommendation - alter one of the 'throughs' in the first stanza, the repetition doesn't work there, I don't think.
Re: a comment on A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	2-Oct-06/1:23 PM
Ooh, tempting...
Re: a comment on Peter by Wakeboarder20	Wakeboarder20 71.227.248.140	1-Oct-06/8:11 PM
I changed it up to try to show what I was going for a little better. It's still a work in progress. I'd love to know what you think.
Re: On The Gay Beach by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:46 PM
Sinful.
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:45 PM
A very nice poem.
Re: The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:43 PM
You will go 2 Hell in a Bobslay
Re: a comment on The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:43 PM
Re: a comment on The Mikado's Poetic List by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:42 PM
Very satirical but God will not be mocked and U will go 2 Hell in a bobslay.
Re: When I look inside my heart by Engelbert Humpalot	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:41 PM
How obscenely nice.
Re: sick and demented by sk8boardandpoems	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.255.126	1-Oct-06/6:40 PM
God will curse U 4 this!