Re: Do you fit in-to the dark? by Hostileintent	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:46 AM
Better in the edit. "some-what" can lose the -
Re: Gilded Lily by drnick	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:42 AM
I like the appearance of "Lily" near the end. But why in quotes? The mis-grammar is so consistent that I see it's intentional. By half way through this, I get the style of it, which was confusing at first. I think it's a style that would take either a long poem or a series of poems to make sense of.
Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Oct-06/10:38 AM
"Forevermore, nevermore."??????? I sense a severe lack of effort and just like love is enslavement, rhyming seems to have enslaved you.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:37 AM
Awkward wording might show that, if I could figure a way to word it awkwardly without sounding like a clutz.
Re: Do you fit in-to the dark? by Hostileintent	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:34 AM
"deed" = "deep"? "known or unknown" is wordy, why not leave it out. Actually, I think "Have you ever travelled / on your own /To some place known" is a good start.
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	drnick 24.176.22.254	14-Oct-06/10:32 AM
I like the line "aware of her insignificance" as I can relate. This is how I feel posting on here, though I do still keep going unlike the person of whom you write. If you used some awkward wording in this it might force the reader to feel what she may have felt on the podium.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.35.8	14-Oct-06/10:18 AM
Yes, I think you did, though I don't know a 'Mr. Tanner.' I seldom delete, but this cried out for it one late evening. Then after some changes, walla', it's back. "lack of finality" is reality of many real-life events, isn't it? Maybe she will read again someday, but at this point in time, the ending is final. Regarding stressed syllables at stanza ends, I fail to see the need for it. I know you are much more atuned to the sound of poems than I am, so perhaps you can convince me of the need.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Oct-06/5:36 AM
It'll be worth it.
Re: Eenie Meenie Minie Moe by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:16 AM
funny
Re: Limp Cock by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:13 AM
its okay
Re: Toe Jam Poem by EDNA by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:05 AM
total crap
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:04 AM
i really like the 'left an unfinished movement on his piano stool'. i like the first four lines too. but after that ... but come on...'FART'..AGAIN??!! you practically mention them in all your writing.you mention your name again..you mention sex again..you mention the word 'fuck' or a version of it again..
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/5:00 AM
once again edna. paint the picture perfectly (probably because you tell it like a short story), but go nowhere with it. i really have to agree with dvincent..its like a story, not a poem. is there a structure to any of your poetry??if their is, please tell me, because i would genuinely like to know. and if you feel like telling me to get lost fine.. but fuck off from my writing too.
Re: Wanking In The Bucket by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:50 AM
you paint the scene well. but dont do it justice.
Re: Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:49 AM
what was the point of that?
Re: A Tragic Love Tryst In The Park Near The Sewage Works by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:44 AM
quite good
Re: Memories Of Home by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:41 AM
thats the type of thing you would write straight from your head onto a page when drunk. sorry dame edna
Re: A Poem For George Bush by Edna Sweetlove	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:28 AM
edna talking crap again. free speech is cool, but thats more like an article in the paper than a poem. it don't deserve its ratings
Re: a comment on Confession of a troubled man by Hostileintent	Hostileintent 83.71.96.67	14-Oct-06/4:22 AM
please explain. we are not all as educated as you
Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.9.180.121	13-Oct-06/8:50 PM
thanks. i'm in the process of editing this, but it's a slow slog.