Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.9.180.121	13-Oct-06/8:38 PM
here i'm guilty of planting my tongue in my cheek a bit too firmly, thought the waiting three days crack would be funny. judging by the level of humor, maybe i WAS drunk at the time. that said, i'd argue the seperate poem issue not quite as simple as that anyway. is the prologue to a chapter really its own chapter? is it really part of the chapter that follows? probably neither. part 4 has a prologue too, which is really its own thing, but not enough so to warrant waiting to give it its own entry. nonetheless, it's a different part. many poets preface different poems within a poem by using roman numerals to indicate that they're distinct and seperate from the other parts. in truth, though the prologue isn't really part of the main poem, i felt giving it its own entry would cause just as much confusion as not. part of my problem here is there's no flexibility of typesetting in this website. the prologue should be in italics before part 1's title, and wouldn't really belong anyplace else. capture is actually catching the animal, subjugation is getting it to sit, roll over and play dead. good point about the "even when" parts. thanks for the comments.
Re: a comment on Retail by Wakeboarder20	Wakeboarder20 71.227.248.140	13-Oct-06/6:58 PM
Um...no? I take it that if it's not about Jesus, it's bad in your book? Ok, gotcha.
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/5:39 PM
Did I say before that this reminded me of 'Mr. Tanner'? It's the last line that does it. I'd try and make the last word of each stanza end on a stressed syllable; it feels like it needs a little more finality in the piece.
Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/5:36 PM
Um, I guess you don't much like her any more.
Re: Few Words by Tom Colebrooke	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:54 PM
??????????????????????????
Re: Night And Day by MuDvAyNe	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:54 PM
I assum this refers to the sins of the flesh on a cash basis. Whores of babylon will perish!
Re: jo jo by oddgreenout	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:53 PM
????????????
Re: Retail by Wakeboarder20	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:53 PM
Not much about Jesus here, is there?
Re: Toe Jam Poem by EDNA by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:51 PM
God will make you suffer for this
Re: A Prayer For God's Soldiers As They Kill For Him by Edna Sweetlove	Sing4Jesus! 85.210.247.54	13-Oct-06/3:50 PM
Yes! Yes! Yes! Jesus is there with you! He loves it when those Ay-rabs get killed! He loves it when Yank soldiers pray and sing him their lovely gospel nigra songs!
Re: a comment on snot by fattony	Dovina 12.72.35.74	13-Oct-06/3:42 PM
I disagree, it's no better than Edna.
Re: My heart belongs to you by creepshow	Dovina 12.72.35.74	13-Oct-06/3:41 PM
Lines like "infinite lies" tell us you have not yet settled upon what you want to say.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 1: the wolf journal by nypoet22	Dovina 12.72.35.74	13-Oct-06/3:37 PM
Having several poems going on in your head concurrently is something I relate to. Unlike some of the posters here, you and I put up our current fantasies, not even waiting for the present drunk to turn to sobriety, it seems. I understand your scheming in wanting to post two in one throw. But I must assert that even I have not gone that far. If the first part of this is really another poem, then propriety demands removing it for later dispatch, and slapping your right hand with your left for conjuring such a scheme. At least that’s my take on it. As for wordiness in the midsection, the verses beginning “even before” And “even when” seem parenthetic – can these be yet another encased poem? It really starts with “wolves cry out”, doesn’t it? And how is subjugation much different from capture? “you can still admit you'd give anything to have that feeling back” is really “you liked the feeling” isn’t it? And “For all my youth I grew in a house where the old world was freshly conquered” is “in youth, the old world was conquered.” Stuff like that. Overall I like it.
Re: Poem from a gurney by INTRANSIT	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	13-Oct-06/12:32 PM
line breaks are odd, IT; pieces of this I like alot, but it doesn't flow for me. trade more active verbs with "hold" "goes", "meet". Missed opportunities, make all the words worth something.
Re: Soy Flat White with One by helenwales	Shuushin 63.167.136.250	13-Oct-06/12:26 PM
Computer generated? if so - a nine, otherwise (not)
Re: Gilded Lily by drnick	A_Dark_Calm 71.75.191.229	13-Oct-06/7:25 AM
Too many inverted sentences but good cadence.
Re: a comment on October by A_Dark_Calm	A_Dark_Calm 71.75.191.229	13-Oct-06/7:19 AM
I don't know I guess because I'm in love I love saying the word love more and love writing love more. Love is a lovely cliche don't you think. Besides, girls love to hear there men do all that love talk. I imagine my poems soon will start sounding like "Love and love went up a love to fetch a pale of love" If so forgive me and blame love.
Re: a comment on October by A_Dark_Calm	A_Dark_Calm 71.75.191.229	13-Oct-06/7:11 AM
Trust me I have good reasons but I must stay hush.
Re: a comment on Gilded Lily by drnick	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/4:18 AM
Well, 'they not see' makes little sense as it is. You could have said 'they don't see', and still kept the feel of speaking to someone higher up the social chain. Socia-motional doesn't fit the theme though, although I like the idea of it. You don't need to scrap it - a few fixes here and there will get the motor running again, I'd say. And you physics students have it easy. It's not as though you do a taxing, strenuous subject like...um, philosophy...
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	13-Oct-06/4:05 AM
Tingling frosts push us closer Deep in this warm bed, like seeds