Re: Wry Edward's wry smile by oddgreenout	Dovina 12.72.37.27	15-Oct-06/2:05 PM
Limericks usually march along with sing-song rhythm in addition to the rhyming scheme. What is a hawlk? A few too many commas, it seems, and a meaning covered in unusual language.
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.37.40	15-Oct-06/1:34 PM
Thanks for reading it thrice. What I said was more like “More hands = more chickens = more revenue.” The problem is that our present six-billion population is destined for nine billion by 2050 if we don’t scrap that idea. And women all over the world are mostly willing to scrap it, if only their ruling men would agree.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.37.40	15-Oct-06/1:23 PM
The concept of finality is a transient one, unless we’re talking about death. Everything else seems to me non-final. We can say that something has ended – a marriage, a job, college, parenthood, an amputated limb – but it has a way of resurrecting, like her decision never to read poetry again. I had to laugh at your suggestion on “marvel and laugh,” not because it isn’t metrically better, it is, but because you hold such a high regard for meter. You are a poet, while I am a mere philosopher.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Dovina 12.72.37.40	15-Oct-06/1:23 PM
The “extreme result” is her decision based on feelings of bitterness and hurt. It’s meant to show that in such an emotional state, our thinking loses objectivity and clarity. It mires in our perceived dilemma.
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	15-Oct-06/6:54 AM
Yes, but it's populated mostly by non-whites with a religion which nobody understands, odd-shaped gods, brightly-coloured clothes, stuff being sold in the street, and lepers. So of course it's going to be seen as full of quaintly backward poor people too helpless to do anything for theirselves by those of us fortunate enough to live in this respectably black-suited world of legalities and pristine healthcare. I mean, it's not as though we have to worry about beggars here, is it?
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	15-Oct-06/6:47 AM
The first 3 times I read that comment I thought you said 'more chicken = more hands = more revenue'. I need a dyslexia test.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	howl 81.179.102.33	15-Oct-06/6:09 AM
wkd.
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	howl 81.179.102.33	15-Oct-06/6:06 AM
India is a first to second world country.
Re: Timing by Dovina	howl 81.179.102.33	15-Oct-06/6:05 AM
This is really good. Not sure about layed. Should it be laid. I don't know.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	howl 81.179.102.33	15-Oct-06/5:57 AM
OK then more precise verbs.
Re: a comment on Soy Flat White with One by helenwales	helenwales 210.84.45.132	14-Oct-06/10:58 PM
Computer generated? Is that possible?
Re: a comment on Timing by Dovina	some deleted user 67.161.32.10	14-Oct-06/10:14 PM
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/10/061012-child-labor.html?source=rss
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Oct-06/4:45 PM
Sea-jade firstling's ribbon curl Snaking slowly from the womb Time to see a seasonal lunar shape, right? Any other poets wanting to join in this little project, feel free (check the link above to get the pattern).
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Oct-06/4:29 PM
Yeah, the poem would be much better if it had 'zinzulated', 'expounded' and 'anaesthetised'.
Re: a comment on Confession of a troubled man by Hostileintent	howl 81.179.102.33	14-Oct-06/2:39 PM
it means rhymes that primary school children use.
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	howl 81.179.102.33	14-Oct-06/2:24 PM
The same content would make a decent poem if your verbs weren't so dull.
Re: Let's Grovel For Jesus And Fight The Naughty Satan! by Sing4Jesus!	howl 81.179.102.33	14-Oct-06/2:20 PM
Jesus rocks.
Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22	nypoet22 65.9.180.121	14-Oct-06/1:39 PM
Startled embryo Stepped-on, mucked-up, matted, packed in sod (that was verse 11; almost 1/3 done)
Re: A Poetry Reading by Dovina	nypoet22 65.9.180.121	14-Oct-06/1:27 PM
the whole event seems a bit dry and distant. as a reader i can relate, but still have trouble caring about the characters. maybe try using some present tense to add immediacy? I disagree with nick about "aware of her insignificance." Although the line tells about feelings that are meaningful, they could be better shown through body language or imagery. the last line is too much information unsupported; what comes before does not adequately suggest a reason for such an extreme result.
Re: a comment on A Poetry Reading by Dovina	Ranger 62.252.32.15	14-Oct-06/11:53 AM
Mr. Tanner is a Harry Chapin song. The story behind it is of a man who loves singing, is persuaded to do a show, gets shot down by the critics and never sings again. This is where the need for some sort of conclusiveness comes in - the fact that she never read after this is pretty final, isn't it? I mean, you say in your comment that she *could* read again someday, but the poem contradicts that. Also, the way this is set up seems to show every line as being a definite action in a series of events. The weak endings let each line sort of run into the next, but I don't think it needs that. It feels to me like each line wants to be solid, conclusive. So for instance, you could write 'tried to make him marvel, laugh'. Or even 'marvel and laugh' if you're not too worried about iambic metre. This way I find lines end for good and the reader can then move on to the next event.