delicious, isn't it??

On the morning camel ride here, I tried to think of an accurate test for "this poem holds together on an emotional level". The best I can come up with is something like "this poem arouses in its intended audience one or more of the following: a) any feeling at all, b) the feeling that the author intended, c) a feeling of "working", if such a thing is possible - a kind of satisfied postwhemy feeling of completion, maybe. Of course, if you ask Dovina she's just going to say the only audience she ever intended is herself, so of course it works. I'd say you have to intend more than half of your audience, the way you'd say a joke "works" if a majority of the crowd laughs. I'd also say choice c) is the best measure, but I could be totally asstalking. I also tried to invent another test for 'knowing what Dovina thinks and believes'. Advanced Degree from an Accredited School is all I've got. Regarding your Jesus example: I find there are any number of ways it could work on an emotional level. I imagine Osama bin Laden, for one, moved to tears by the tale of another warren-bound recluse, forever ostracised for prefering a flowing and somewhat varminty beard over a clean shave or even muttonchops. You have to admit, this is likely the emotion which Jesu meant to impart. Of course, the real emotional impact of Jesu's burrowing is not the burrowing itself, but that he ultimately flew out of his den (cf. "On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices, popcorn and DVDs they had prepared and went to the burrow. They found the stone rolled away, but when they entered, they did not find the Lord Jesus skulking around in his pyjamas (as was his custom on Sundays and most other days). While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in rather flashy capes stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for Jesus in his hole? He is not here; he has flown away!") I imagine this registers pretty well with anybody who's ever been pigpiled by their older brothers and then wormed their way out into sweet sweet assy-smelling sunlight.

"this person who feels alone , mind you he's a bum is watching the world pass him by" isn't a point. It's not even a real sentence. A point is something like "Now go live fully and carefreely" or "The man you've always thought was your uncle, isn't."

O.K. Smarter usage of semi-colons The second one is awful S3 L3-4 don't make enough sense. The contradictory statements about the people around him and then applying these statements to your own character. When trying to convey realization, you are actually making this character one of the "hyenas". Mostly recognized in the two contrasting "unaware"s. This would be brilliant if it was on purpose, but the quality of the poem suggests that it was not. Outskirts is one word st[r]ings Introducing the peoples' objectivity in the last line leaves readers a bit confused because it comes out of nowhere.

Well, if that is the entire reason behind this poem, than I'll give you a *6.5*. This message is tired and the outlet of lonely bum is only too predictable.

the only point i was trying to make was this person who feels alone , mind you he's a bum is watching the world pass him by. He is envious at first. Untill he realizes the people "laughing hyenas" are all fake, and that their life is fake. So he now has peace in his own skin--not plastic and with a life full of lies

That depends on what kind of book you're looking for it to be. I think the book did a good job of raising some issues, and the storytelling was good... But alot of issues weren't resolved, and there's the sense that even the author doesn't know her characters.

And you can find the whole tale by typing in 'Blindpoetry' or 'blueblindbee' into the search box. I'm thinking about selling the story.