INTRANSIT
replying on To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT
10 Mar 2005, 12:15 PM
Slipped right past me , that one. The forge thing is suggestive of " see I told you you could do it." The fact that I used -sword- seems cliche to me . Dunno.
Go with coinage. (Poemranker rule 3675876.890 rev. 5789)
Eats shoots' leaves? Whatever for?
Can I get a ruling on coinage vs. proper grammar. I didn't just run off and Yield. I consulted a well respected book and made a decision. I prefer it the other way as well,-ously, seems unnecessarily long.
Why didn't you cahnge "it's" to "its" on this edit? It's been pointed out before. "forge you a sword" - don't get the connection. Otherwise good.
Eats shoots leaves
Seems silly. What on earth do you mean?
great poem, perhaps i dont agree with the no straight answer part, but thats just diffence in opinion or belief. but over all im lovin this poem!
9
~Autumn
how about "borne on her tears? "
I would remove 'weeping' from the last stanza, maybe more.
there is a power to this. I like it a lot.
It's->Its (confused me first read)
Interesting, though.
Not gelling for me.
You'd do better to just omit the word than yield to their "best" solution. Sure its corrcet, so what. You've traded their approval for what I thought was a better way of saying it.
Other than her mascara (flowing). This rocks.
I'd guess it'd be someone with a major crush on me(We both know who that might be, if not look up). I haven't been on here much these days. I come back and I'm Number 1. Now I'm like 2, as of yesterday. I'm actually getting annoyed over some of this. First what are semi sweet, but really alittle annoying so I don't tend to vote on them. I don't want to hear someone else reconstruct my words to display feeling of a crush.
<3 Jason
Or could it be that I see writing in a manner that paints a picture in your mind, that couldn't be created on a canvas, as Poetry.
You may and its more like I'm much more practiced in typos and idealism writer/reader. I'm Buddhist. I've made similar typos, and I'm a semi-arrogant person.
<3 Jason
"O I can see so many things / YOU may not see at all"
"Perhaps He meant for me to see / What other people miss!"
is the only direct repetition, but I suppose more what I wanted to say was something along the lines of--
You use an awful lot of words to say not so much. I understand that happens often when going for a cute tone, and I'm just as guilty of it sometimes, but it really doesn't work for me, here.
Like watching a child skip along the road, where they trip over their shoelaces every other step.
It might help if you hypothesized a few things that other people miss--not to the extent of a laundry list, but something more than "I know something you don't know! I know something you don't know!"
Perhaps.
Umm, what repetition?
Tamper away. I got nothin' new anyway, might as well learn from what i gots.
Did you change your mind, or did you mean a bookmark? ((as opposed to the poemranker's "favorites" functionality))
Just checking. ;)
Thanks. :)