This sounds and feels singable and sad. I can hear it late in a smoky Tennessee bar, a guitar man strumming, and me thinking of all the bad times. Hit me with another chorus Wil.

A good haunting feeling with a few good lines, like "It’s the kind of thing that hides inside Because it’s scared that . . ." But a bit awkward and wordy in places. I'd made "Identically" identical, and scratch "In hopes of finding solutions" and cut out a few other words.

AND TO EVERYBODY WHO READS THIS, THIS IS MY COUSINS POEM IF U DONT LIKE U R A HATER.Very good Shay I LOVE IT

ITS OK

this is funny i like it

why thank you for the honest criticsism...refreshingly lacking in ego self stroking aka fred zodiac et al@wibble.com yeah i have a problem with self editing and metaphorical bullshit easy rhyming sequences apparently, just ask the self same fred zodiac@ honk.com i'll take your comments to mind, glad you enjoyed it though

You're trying to get across a good message, but I can't give you a good rating. The rhymes are just too forced. Rhymes aren't always terrible, but in this case, it distracts the reader from the meaning of the poem.

Funny...

" I heard ya born in july ? cause i am too and thats no lie I'll be loving you night and day but all you gon say is wut up and hay " Those four lines are prime example of forced rhyme. Rhyme is not always bad, but in this case it is. It is there just to rhyme. It in no way adds to the poem, and you can tell that it was the only word you could think of to rhyme. Try and stay clear of forcing rhyme because it really detracts from a poem.

Better than the last one...

Very cliche...

Wrong... Just Wrong... How can you even begin to see Lord Of The Flies in just terms of good and evil? Its about so much more than such a simple thing as good and evil. Key Point Being children need guidance to become a part of Adult Society. Notice, the more Mature children are the last to give into being feral. A -10- based on intelligent thought, but please Reread the book. I think you missed some of the gems written into it.

First off, thanks for reviewing my poem, Inside. This poem was really good. The images were remarkable. I loved your wording. I would have elaborated a little more on the last two stanzas, explain what you meant a little bit more, but that's my only complaint. -Nichole-

It's confusing. I think you're trying to say that you're amazed that you can just throw away all the bad things in your life, but I'm not completely sure. If you edit, I'd try to make this a little clearer.

"The pain does not appear to exist. Although the slightest wind does persist." This is forced rhyme. "The slightest wind" persisting as little to do with what you talked about in the previous line. I know this is a religious piece, and it was something good that you were trying to portray, but I really have a hot button on forced rhyme, and this is forced.

very much so

It doesn't work as a limerick because the last four lines don't scan. However, as free verse it is what it is but rhyming anus with Uranus is like rhyming cool with McCool. Were you trying for a limerick?

Good. #1 why clean clear not clean, clear? #2 why not And after that I loved the sea. Was it for form's sake? Besides, I like repulsive pink people at the beach... especially with wasabi, soy sauce and a side of ginger.

Resonates. last chance cigarette drunk & fucked up (two different states of being?) Yeah.

Nice denouement. Sad though.