poemranker ::Crucifixion of a Man by marvelis

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Lyric № 48014

Crucifixion of a Man

by marvelis

Member since 2002 · Posted 26 Apr 2003 · 2 comments

The sins of my past, Must now to be put to rest. Upon this sacred wooden altar of redemption; The great white hope to save me from damnation. The blood that does trinkle Through this skin's every rinkle As I hoisted toward the heavens To be one among the soaring ravens. The pain does not appear to exist. Although the slightest wind does persist. Over this entire land I can see And at peace I may now finally be. As a glorious end comes to this night My sacrifice feels perfectly right. The horizon shows me a new beginning Through a thin red and gold gleaming. I am the very first to see this day begin to rise. The vision is undoubtably my greatest prize. Away from this world I begin to drift And towards God my head I now lift. I catch a glimpse of a growing light of the most beautiful shade of white. Soon it will engulf me with its might And perhaps my soul will be pure and right. To you my arms I have spread. I am in need of your bread. I will soon come to you holy Father. Please show me the love of a brother. Dignify this land as divine. And purify this soul of mine.

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2 comments

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Apr-03/11:49 AM Reply
The use of "rinkle" to rhyme with "trinkle" is inspired. Indeed, the use of "trinkle" alone sets this piece out from the... er crowd. The crowd of poemes. That are all crowding around my face. Also, great use of ravens to... well not to rhyme... because ravens doesn't really rhyme with heavens... but great use of ravens, anyway. I couldn't imagine a heaven without ravens. It would be like trying to imagine washing your car without a sausage roll sellotaped to your right knee. Imagine that. I did. But I made an absolute bosh of it.
[6] boldsilence 22-Jun-04/11:34 AM Reply
"The pain does not appear to exist.
Although the slightest wind does persist."

This is forced rhyme. "The slightest wind" persisting as little to do with what you talked about in the previous line. I know this is a religious piece, and it was something good that you were trying to portray, but I really have a hot button on forced rhyme, and this is forced.