horus8
on Where do we hide the memories of a faded love? by Sam
12 Aug 2004, 2:04 PM
Uranus.
Bulgingly stupid.
Four metric tons of guff, and a pinch of forlorn hope. Beautiful. Simply beautiful. -10-
eh, yeah I havent made one on Religion...So I decided to make one about the one person in my life that cares...
Really republicans should refrain from any attempts at prose whatsoever...really.
I really don't understand a lot of the language in this. What is/are "the recent new of guiltless lovers?"
Were you afraid to fall in love with a girl unworthy?
I like a few individual lines in this, especially "To steal dots and mimic lines."
I assume "down under" refers to "inside," but I can't help seeing it as a sexual reference in this context.
Mold bulging, is a clap full of cheer
Well written, loses it a bit at the end 'souls' and 'markers' seems a touch vague.
Seems to read ok. The ending is a bit abrupt though. Some of the language is a bit unsubtle (indestructable fate).
I like the repition at the end, adds power. A little choppy, but overall a very nice concept. Stanza 4 is a tad confusing if you were looking for a revision place I might go there. Overall, I like it!
I'm a nigger, except I know how to speak clearly,
and dress properly, and I don't care about wearing heavy jewelery, or impressing my friends, and I think if more niggers toned it down like me? the world could finally get jiggy with it, and throw up a holla "west-side" from da crib. word down.
yep, if you must use people watcher keep it in the title, not at the end. 'I notice these things' is redundant because you have just written a poem from the perspective of noticing these things.
Also the line breaks seem a touch arbitrary. They should really only be used for either of: (a) End of a clause. (b) To mimic normal speech patterns. (c) To emphasize an important word (like intonation in speech).
You turd. It's obvious you think poetry is about being raw and controversial. You put offensive words like "nigger" and "mellifluous" in your poemes to make your writing seem more dangerous. And when - shock horror! - someone thinks you're being racist, you blunder around in a massive self-righteous rant about how your work is always being misunderstood by the PC establishment. Well I've got news for you buddy:
"Your subversion is a perpetual disease"
Besides, the preferred nomenclature is "Negro".
some deleted user
on some deleted poem
11 Aug 2004, 5:50 PM
I never meant to speak for you. However, when you push me for reasons (other than I just got over it), I am left to grasp for explanations that do not exist.
There is nothing wrong with you. I know you are different. I just thought I was different, and clearly I was wrong. I is too bad that there is no way for us to walk away from this without you being hurt. Just chalk this up to an experience with a stupid "bitch." Hopefully, you will feel better.
Nothing I ever told you was a lie. I spoke the truth, telling you how I felt, when I felt it, just as I am doing now. There is really nothing else to be said.
I like this except for the ending,maybe change the last 4 lines. -8-
You just had an orgasm - sure all is rigth w/ the world.This could be better if you added a little flavor(taste,touch,hear,smell or sight)?still decent.
Hahahahaha. I like this. It amuses me. -10-
I love your use of color. "burry (sic) itself beneath copper blankets" is a great line.
The only issue I have is with the thought of the fourth stanza continuing into the fifth so fluidly since no other stanzas do this.