Re: Her name was Marjorie Harper by Caducus	Caducus 88.108.41.122	20-Oct-07/10:54 AM
Bloody hell. you know you've done ok when rockmage gives a 10. thanks (not for the score but for the :)
Re: While waiting for someone to check in my cars by INTRANSIT	Ranger 86.145.25.216	21-Oct-07/1:25 PM
I've always seen mother/child poems as being sentimental (and that isn't a bad thing). I think you've moved away from the sentimentality and given this a nice deftness of touch which makes it more than just a picture. My view is that it needs something catchy in the sounds to make it stick in the old grey matter, otherwise there's the risk of a reader not giving it the reading it deserves. You've got the amount of description spot on, so it would be a shame for people not to read it as it needs.
Re: Wayne, do you? by T. Jonathron Remp	Ranger 86.145.25.216	21-Oct-07/1:28 PM
Good fun
Re: Never Let Go by x0lovelylarnx0	Ranger 86.145.25.216	21-Oct-07/1:35 PM
Intransit's given the comment that you need to be going on with for now. This doesn't deserve a 0 - it's got the basics of metaphor and vivid imagery in here, and that counts for something. What you need to do now is learn to control those things, make them subtle when appropriate, direct when appropriate. A lot of people will tell you that you have to write "from your own experience", but to be honest that's a load of tosh. While you're learning the trade it's just as easy (possibly more so, in fact) to write about something that you haven't had first-hand experience of. You clearly know a few poetic devices (lots of alliteration in here), now you need to work out when to use them. Listen to the sounds and cadence of the words and, more than anything, devour some of the classic poems so you have some good examples of poetry to work with. -8- because I'm nice like that.
Re: Parasite by Christof	Ranger 86.145.25.216	21-Oct-07/1:40 PM
Good poeme, although the train comes in maybe a little too abruptly, and "very least" sounds a bit too chunky to end with. Love the idea though.
Re: Car Crashes by poemwanker	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/12:42 AM
I like where you're going with this poem. Just a few minor adjustments and this would be good.
Re: On The Gay Beach by Edna Sweetlove	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/12:47 AM
Exquisitely homoerotic material Edna. I can just envision the semen dripping down your chin. Hahahaha. Hope you enjoy your romps down there in queerville.
Re: On The Gay Beach by Edna Sweetlove	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/12:49 AM
Uh , I mean Poofy Pete. You go girl!
Re: Be The One by forsaken	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/12:54 AM
Wow, this is pretty bad. How old are you? Check out my poem ....it's much more sophisticated. It's a true love story with about a lady friend.
Re: HATE by forsaken'sbigbro	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/12:58 AM
This is better than alot of the other shit I've been reading on this site. I think if you work on some of the lines you could improve this quite a bit. I like your honesty and openness.
Re: Head On by Bachus	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/1:03 AM
It looks like this may be an intelligent poem...I can't tell. I'll have to rate and review it at another time so that I can give a fair assessment.
Re: Drug Dealer by Bazilla	xyz 64.231.78.220	22-Oct-07/1:09 AM
You should change the title to Day Tripper...I think you would sell a few records that way.
Re: RAGTIME by xyz	forsaken 24.153.186.246	22-Oct-07/6:41 PM
Wow I know I don't write that great, but this is better then mine you say. I just want to know can you get a girl to look at you the same way I have no problem doing.
Re: Unmistakably Mistaken by secretlyvulnerable	Skamper 58.171.78.214	22-Oct-07/9:46 PM
your last verse is creative and to the point - verse one and two are overworked a little...no need to mention tears too much, we get the crying from the second line...the last verse saves this piece, I really like it.
Re: My Courtney by secretlyvulnerable	Skamper 58.171.127.226	22-Oct-07/9:50 PM
you started off so well with two verses of 3 lines, and ended with two lines of thankfullness and love. The third verse could be cut to 3 lines also keeping the original rhyme scheme...just a suggestion, you can turn a nice phrase
Re: While waiting for someone to check in my cars by INTRANSIT	Skamper 58.171.109.28	22-Oct-07/9:56 PM
beautiful - image is so clear I wish I'd seen it. I would love to see a descriptive word in there for the daughter snug/warm in denim jacket, to follow on the caring of the mother as she carries her son..know what I mean?
Re: Back to Orange and Black by winniss	Skamper 58.171.89.69	22-Oct-07/10:00 PM
I think tingle instead of tingling would bring this straight into the momment. I like this.
Re: Wayne, do you? by T. Jonathron Remp	Skamper 58.171.79.65	22-Oct-07/10:04 PM
I gave in and went to the site...nice touch... :)
Re: Never Let Go by x0lovelylarnx0	Skamper 58.171.79.44	22-Oct-07/10:07 PM
I'm not sure I understand this one...is it a dream? I am confused a little with the ending, is the protection offered only temporary?
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 58.171.80.132	22-Oct-07/10:10 PM
love the vodka reference - brings a reality to the piece