Re: Parasite by Christof	Skamper 58.171.81.121	22-Oct-07/10:13 PM
having recently been amazed by fog in a tropical environment I connect with this...nice!
Re: One Perfect Moment by sonawrote	Skamper 58.171.74.238	22-Oct-07/10:19 PM
if this is a true account of a time in your life - tell of something that has a personal touch, for readers to connect to the melancholy of it all. Otherwise it's just nothing, a blurb on the back of a romance novel...
Re: Henry's breeches by Stephen Robins	Skamper 58.171.118.85	22-Oct-07/10:21 PM
It's horrible - the indignity of being an old man... hurts huh?
regarding some deleted poem...	Skamper 58.171.68.73	22-Oct-07/10:26 PM
would you actually say "hey young dude"? I can see someone saying hello my dear and hey old mate...It seems to me that the opening line of each verse is directed at the person, followed by your own internal musings about them. Is that right? I like this, really like it but the young dude kinda sticks...
Re: Her name was Marjorie Harper by Caducus	Skamper 58.171.101.173	22-Oct-07/10:27 PM
awed
Re: Lonely Song(SOAD's Highway Song) by alvinb	Skamper 58.171.80.50	22-Oct-07/10:30 PM
Remembering her makes me thrown...and nigh and ligh Not sure these should mean?
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	23-Oct-07/1:08 PM
Oh, snap!
regarding some deleted poem...	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	23-Oct-07/1:11 PM
The mirror hints at not loving onesself, love that. Duress- still fels forced after 3 reads.
Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	23-Oct-07/1:15 PM
Gonna chew on this a while.
Re: Her name was Marjorie Harper by Caducus	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	23-Oct-07/1:25 PM
Polythene and aplologies. But you friggen nailed it!
Re: Parasite by Christof	INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254	23-Oct-07/1:27 PM
A fluke. Really? I did not know that.
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	x0lovelylarnx0 71.197.10.136	23-Oct-07/1:30 PM
To Rockmage: You have serious problems! It's not right to just go around and give everyone low scores!
Re: part of autumn by winniss	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/1:39 AM
Nice imagery and flow.
Re: INTELLIGENCIA by INTRANSIT	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/2:03 AM
Strong imagery and intensity. I would ditch the punctuation allowing the natural flow to place the periods and commas. It is a distractor to me. Enjoyable read.
regarding some deleted poem...	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/2:08 AM
Entertaining. Nice imagery and flow. I generally do not like rhyming poems since they are often forced. However, the flow in this read was not disrupted. I would drop the period at the end of the poem. S4 was the crusher and stepped the whole piece up a notch!
Re: The Friendship Storm by x0lovelylarnx0	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/4:32 AM
This one has potential. I do not understand the caps on "White Storm", "Lovers", "Shatters and "Victim's". I also feel that the this would read better with shorter sentence structure, i.e. "The lover's remain separate as the storm reignsd. This poem does not need to rhyme and word choice, especially in the last two lines would make this an excellent read. Also, don;t worry about rockmage and his incessant need to be noticed by giving Zeros. No poem deserves a Zero unless it is so esoteric no one can decipher it or the form and structure is so bad that the writer needs serious help.
Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/6:30 AM
Ah! Shades of Bukowski. What a wonderful read. This would go well in a darkened room among friends. Snug in the wooly cotton arms of infamy!
Re: On Any Given Day... by Skamper	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/6:31 AM
And, oh yes. The last two lines are pure Bukowski, so I would not be concerned with whoever this "rockmage" guy is. SOunds like he needs to read more and write less.
Re: I Think Of by forsaken	Musicman 192.208.44.100	24-Oct-07/7:15 AM
Hi forsaken. I would love to see this potentially wonderful piece trimmed to bare bones. There are so many unnecessary words and the meter is not fluid. You are also mixing active and passive voice, "I think of the day you'll be back in my arms Keeping you safe from the world's harm" Just a suggestion here: Awaiting the day back in my arms keeping safe my love from world's harm" although I think that needs some work in itself :). Anyway, use that pain you are obviously feeling, but try to write this again with half as many words and you may be surprised what you find!
regarding some deleted poem...	Absorbed Intellect 82.20.237.112	24-Oct-07/8:00 AM
WOW