yeah. i'm chinese and i'm 14. i'll take note and improve

I was in a rush though

You need to either pick up the ryhme scheme, not bother with one at all, and change the type from free verse to pimple. -1- because it starts off like it has depth and quickly realizes that it doesn't want to share it. What Words? Who Hung up on you? Things like that are kinda important. Show me why you care at all that they hung. Your words are far to vague and underdeveloped as this piece stands. Rewrite it, like you mean it for god's sake. Put some passion behind your wording, turn a phrase or two, like a poet is meant to or label it correctly as a pimple so that you don't come off as a total putz when real poets or even just anyone whose read a real poem, read your scrawlings. <3 Jason

Ryhme Scheme? a-b-a-b a-b-c-b a-b-c-d? What are you thinking? Details? Him, Them, gonna be great, what the hell? Add some. Potential is there just really sloppy writing. This isn't one of those poems that was ment to be so crypticly vague that even the writer won't know what its about after a week or two is it? -3- for now. Rewrite, Rewrite, and Rewrite. Your words and depth will only get better because of it. <3 Jason

Loved it despite or perhaps because of the many typos. Expecially the depth and the styling, but the ending was the best part. A real plot twist, but so obvious when you think of the character's first thoughts. Plus the fact that its all thoughts, although I think the last line should have been "". -10- for a splendid poem.

how I wish we all could say it

Uncover their mounds?

Ouch! And write a lot of poems.

I liked the first half but it really gave me an expectation of better for the second half -8- <3 Jason

Its amazing what you can do given the right circumstances. -9- <3 Jason

Something bothers me about the first verse, but I'm really not sure what. -10-

Loved the Renee Blue Eyes down the side bit.

You've convince me. I'd love to. Just a few clean-ups would make your offer perfect. Please say either "will" or "can" in the third line, I'm so enamored I don't care which. And please tell me if there is something due you or if there is just dew on the grass. As for what reamins of me, that's tomorrow, this is tonight. Gosh, is my lipstick smeared?

I'm exhausted. I've kissed a smoker, and it is like licking an ashtray. It's their business what they do with their health, and it's mine what I think of mine and their effect on it.

fathom this -=0=-.

This kind of poem either gets bashed on Poemranker or it gets ignored, both because nobody wants to associate with your Christian faith. I rather admire your courage.

toilet

Being a bit of a lad, this poeme is utterly wasted on me. For fear of tainting the ballot with my ignorance, I shall vote inconspicuously -4-

Acrusted

Your poeme is a colossal downpour of sick.