East of Aberdeen, from grey orb to pink hued sea man and God yogurt.

Read this poem aloud whilst doing an impression of Samuel L. Jackson

good effort

last 2 lines do not rhyme on a sonnet

I know how much you love your poetry. Really. Showing it in shameless self-votes, however, isn't the best way. Now onto the poem. I read this poem (or one very much like it) in some chicken soup book. I also read it in an anthology of "best teen writers" and also in a terrible poetry unit of highschool way way back. So, you get a -10- for being unoriginal on a whole new level.

you mistyped "apart" unless you mean you ripped him to pieces, and then pulled him a part of the body you had just ripped as a going away present.

I keep thinking of Peter Gabriel with this one. Maybe a different title and lessening the repetition of "in your eyes" would help.

I like it but I d actually like to see a little more.

I was wondering where you've been.

Strap on a pair!

indeed

leaves little room for imagination "last of the first glass" good line

very good

Lactation is not a form of excretion. You should have written 'secrete' instead. For that, I'm appalled.

kind of dinged my dong :7

wilco has a point but it has a charm and resonance just lose the 'I' repetition, 2nd stanza's cool.

you crack me up. i would give you my left and right arms if i could've wrote this.

Line 1 is it about me?

"but that's normal aint it, Norman?"

kids with watercolors paint the smog.