sliver
on some deleted poem
2 Nov 2004, 8:27 PM
And so He dies His ignominious death, or am I mistaken?
Absolutely FANTASTIC, The first stanza grabbed me. You know the myth of the sparrow's song? If not, all the better. Sweet. Is there only ten on this scale???
Real nice.
Guess it didn't work out huh? Move on man, there's more to life. Much.
DAMN Cuddly one. Tis the best yet, in my humble opinion. A light bright enough? BRILLIANT! Yes!
A well written argument, from the point of the unborn. Perhaps Ed and the rest of the world will realize the life lost someday. Of course you will grow and change, but you already have a better moral code than most. Stay Strong.
KE? You need to borrow a dime? ok, but you know pay phones are fifty cents now don't you?
i just wish there was more
Your Spanish is bad as ever. Contigo is one word. Sueno should be sueño. You mispunctuated after the second necesito, corazón, and bonitas. And the only thing that keeps this poem from sounding like the worst kind of cliche hack is that Spanish songs pretty much do sound like this.
As always, Spanish sounds more romantic and less cliche than English to you because you don't speak it very well. Do you think the following lines sound like anything but hack in English?
Tell me please
Because I want to know.
I need to know and how I need you
With all my heart
And all my body.
I'm going to dream with you tonight
In your arms of love.
We're going to do many beautiful things
In my head.
Tell me... tell me
Tell me, please, do you love me?
I love you... my love...
- Jesus, you probably do.
pleasant!
Lol
I'll say something now that you've revised it to where an ordinary American thinks she understands. The arguement that turning clocks back in the fall for farmers in northern latitudes is hogwash. They don't work the fields during winter, so how does a time change help them? Arizona has the right plan - no plan at all. I think you could have said it tighter and with more impact by leaving out haggis and gristle.
No on 1 and 2. No on most of the ballot propositions today. The pumpkin idea holds up pretty well.
"Rainbow after a grim shower" just doesn't work, but neither does the last verse, and "methinks" doesn't fit either. Sorry.
blind poetry. Open your eyes.
A female-sounding thing, come from a ranker witch, amazing.
Very well written, and a good reminder to us all. A good thing to consider. Thank you for the refresher course. Nice to see more Catholics on Poem Ranker, for a while there I was all alone.