Yep. They can really shove your meat into the freezer when it suits 'em. -8-

Whoa was noah's pimp. This realization has blown my wad.

A worthy story, lacking interest because it's too directly told.

Is this kinda like, "I found it in the last place I would a thought to look for it?" I think it's kinda clever in very unbelievable way.

I like this and that's the saddest part.

Good lyric, you seem to be very proud of leaving your love, heh.

kindof amazed that there are so many workable rhymes for "for" (I think you forgot "two-dollar whore")

A hen was picking at a stack of pea-straw when a pea fell on her head, and she thought the sky was falling. Henny Penny was right for all her perception. Bewildered by a falling pea, she cried and cried, despite all their objections, not knowing she was merely bumping a mountain of a vine.

"embers softly spoken"??? "Tis love is . . . "???? The rest of this sentence is a lumbering flourish. The conclusion "Tis the downfall of man." is not supported or led up to.

we are eternally condemned by itself to nothingness, and for this we need not hold our selves in pain and agony over this since before death we all are helpless, but least that death is incapable of taking away from us is LIFE,lets live it in full and in meaning to make the world a better place , indeed to "REBUILDING A NEW WORLD"for the whole of humanity , this for me is my poem....

Comma after Traveling?

A good start, using rite, but at the end where you change to "write" I lost the thing that seemed well staged - that we can rite out God. You seem to introduce the notion that god was written and can be unwritten too near to the end.

I see the problem uphill/will (2 beats/1 beat) then now/allow (1 beat/2 beats). I guess it has to do with the stresses.

uplifting read. thanks.

Cool idea. I can't get past the 'will' in 8th line. I think it would flow better without it. Even so, at least a -9-.

ouch - an anon one. Interesting thought. Is this a "do, or do not - there is no try" (Yoda) kinda thing? I like it - maybe we need an "aphorism" category.

typos anyone?

carnivorous irreparably and, what the hell, tremulant... I like the word - I don't like it there. Maybe if I knew your work better I could more easily accept the reach of it. It has a nice feel/flavor to it overall, though.

hehe..10

beautiful