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Let God Unwrite Itself (Free verse) by daggatolar
Can the poem not rite Out the poet Lunge on the lung and life out Can the poem not rite Art Is meaningless itself not a meaning Can the poem not right The heart To stair feelings capable of everything Unmaking the maker The made is what is... writing God. The poem Can also unwrite God.
Down the ladder: Oops
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Weighted score: 5.1490035
Overall Rank: 5339
Posted: January 7, 2005 6:20 AM PST; Last modified: January 7, 2005 6:20 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 7-Jan-05/6:50 AM | Reply
A good start, using rite, but at the end where you change to "write" I lost the thing that seemed well staged - that we can rite out God. You seem to introduce the notion that god was written and can be unwritten too near to the end.
[8] Crakyamuni @ 131.252.231.65 > Dovina | 7-Jan-05/9:52 AM | Reply
This poem touches on a great deal of the metaphysical forces in written word, but in places I'm unsure of what to make of lines,(To "Stair" feelings capable of everything).

It's good, feels genuine.
[10] zodiac @ 212.118.11.60 | 8-Jan-05/6:08 AM | Reply
Bow'ls, all of you. And you're all missing one very important detail. A cookie to whomever guesses right.
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