Another vietnam? Another Afganistan would be more acurate, but that doesn't strike the same chord.

Points for candor... 9 of them. Despite a complete lack of any aesthethic quality, the list painted a picture of sorts.

You have the syllable count right and assuming that the poem is about something in nature gives a plausible interpretation. That gives you 2 out of 3 elements of a haiku. It lacks beauty.

"If God had meant for men to have sex with other men then he would have put holes in their butts..." or so I've heard from certain individuals who've lost the ability to discern excrement from extreme snowboot shinola.

I should have left it at one stanz, it has a funny ending. Between 'Crackers' and 'Inarticulate' there are too many 'of's. Hey, but >>the cactus wants a hug<< is quite hilarious! Why don't you just throw out the bleak nonsense, and think up a few more funny lines alike? And do something about the penguins tuxedo; it's so 1880's.

spell check.

>>A boy would do anything for a girl.<< Sure. For a whole nine months.

The problem with beginning a poem with rhymes is that you set your reader up to expect them. When you broke the last line, you disturbed those expectations. That is fine if it is deliberate, but you need tighter verse and better rhythm to convince the reader that you didn't simply make a mistake.

Could be tighter with more active voice, but bitter-sweet with good foreshadowing. Nice.

This is what free verse should be. There's a story that is being told by the images rather than exposited by the narrator, there are emotions being conveyed rather than explained, and there is a certain trust in the readers that they should determine for themselves if there are lessons, values or judgements to be made from the scene.

Sigh. Why do I bother? >>tungue<< ----tongue >>firey<< -----fiery >>wisper<< ----whisper >>cant<< ------oh yes of course, the new, cool spelling we all race thru life theez days, from work 2 parkinglot 2 nightjob 2 parkinglot 2 pc 2 parkinglot 2 bar 2 mortician & graveyard, so we cant be bothrd by writng crect nmore. >>sweat is soaking on my brow<< You obviously never sweat. What is the sweat soaking? Your brow? Must be an awful sight, those flaps of soaked through, pulpy skin coming loose...she wont find u so great anymoor Writers who write down without thinking are no writers.

This is pretty shitty

This is pretty shitty

This is pretty shitty. Just to rebalance a dangerously tilting PoemRanker site.

Alright; you are dyslexic. Nothing to be ashamed of and it's definitely curable. But I'd like my enamel to last a little longer so I better steer clear from your poetry from now on...

In addition to spelling, please reconsider "firey eyes." Otherwise a pretty good expression of teen awe.

Most men don't have to consider, they simply see what's happening with dad... On the other hand; the son is always convinced he will NOT become his father, he'll do better. So the idea that his own core also will be revealed in the end, escapes him. Interesting musings, but also disappointing, as a poem. Don't know why precisely. The 'complained/content' antithesis jars somewhat.

zodiac: I thought your new and more constructive criticism, which you introduced in the last month or so, would preclude giving a 10 with no comment,and especially giving a 10 when you probably don't mean it. I think a poet receiving a 10 or a 0 always deserves some comment. As for the poem, it expresses personal feelings in a not-very-poetic way. Needs to be shortened and the line spacing does noit help.

Storks are elegant birds, and lore's attached significance makes them seem more elegant; but your point gets lost in the form and even reduces them to "simple" bird.

Not a limerick.