Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:16 PM
The problem with beginning a poem with rhymes is that you set your reader up to expect them. When you broke the last line, you disturbed those expectations. That is fine if it is deliberate, but you need tighter verse and better rhythm to convince the reader that you didn't simply make a mistake.
Re: After The Years Howl By by Lenore	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:20 PM
Could be tighter with more active voice, but bitter-sweet with good foreshadowing. Nice.
Re: "The Buick", or, "to my grandfather" by david	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/12:27 PM
This is what free verse should be. There's a story that is being told by the images rather than exposited by the narrator, there are emotions being conveyed rather than explained, and there is a certain trust in the readers that they should determine for themselves if there are lessons, values or judgements to be made from the scene.
regarding some deleted poem...	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/2:33 PM
You have the syllable count right and assuming that the poem is about something in nature gives a plausible interpretation. That gives you 2 out of 3 elements of a haiku. It lacks beauty.
Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/2:42 PM
"If God had meant for men to have sex with other men then he would have put holes in their butts..." or so I've heard from certain individuals who've lost the ability to discern excrement from extreme snowboot shinola.
Re: Regime Change by Nicholas Jones	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/3:28 PM
Another vietnam? Another Afganistan would be more acurate, but that doesn't strike the same chord.
regarding some deleted poem...	Joshua_Tree 68.230.105.101	19-Jun-05/4:01 PM
Points for candor... 9 of them. Despite a complete lack of any aesthethic quality, the list painted a picture of sorts.
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:09 PM
Sigh. Why do I bother? >>tungue<< ----tongue >>firey<< -----fiery >>wisper<< ----whisper >>cant<< ------oh yes of course, the new, cool spelling we all race thru life theez days, from work 2 parkinglot 2 nightjob 2 parkinglot 2 pc 2 parkinglot 2 bar 2 mortician & graveyard, so we cant be bothrd by writng crect nmore. >>sweat is soaking on my brow<< You obviously never sweat. What is the sweat soaking? Your brow? Must be an awful sight, those flaps of soaked through, pulpy skin coming loose...she wont find u so great anymoor Writers who write down without thinking are no writers.
Re: WAIT UNTIL THE END by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:16 PM
This is pretty shitty
Re: WAIT UNTIL THE END by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:17 PM
This is pretty shitty
Re: WAIT UNTIL THE END by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:17 PM
This is pretty shitty. Just to rebalance a dangerously tilting PoemRanker site.
Re: DEATH by celticskatermatt1	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:27 PM
Alright; you are dyslexic. Nothing to be ashamed of and it's definitely curable. But I'd like my enamel to last a little longer so I better steer clear from your poetry from now on...
Re: Nonsense POEM #14687 by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:41 PM
I should have left it at one stanz, it has a funny ending. Between 'Crackers' and 'Inarticulate' there are too many 'of's. Hey, but >>the cactus wants a hug<< is quite hilarious! Why don't you just throw out the bleak nonsense, and think up a few more funny lines alike? And do something about the penguins tuxedo; it's so 1880's.
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 71.129.110.157	19-Jun-05/5:46 PM
spell check.
Re: This or That by sacred_poet_me	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/5:47 PM
>>A boy would do anything for a girl.<< Sure. For a whole nine months.
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	Dovina 12.72.12.187	19-Jun-05/6:50 PM
In addition to spelling, please reconsider "firey eyes." Otherwise a pretty good expression of teen awe.
Re: Contemplation by raiyna	Dovina 12.72.12.187	19-Jun-05/6:57 PM
zodiac: I thought your new and more constructive criticism, which you introduced in the last month or so, would preclude giving a 10 with no comment,and especially giving a 10 when you probably don't mean it. I think a poet receiving a 10 or a 0 always deserves some comment. As for the poem, it expresses personal feelings in a not-very-poetic way. Needs to be shortened and the line spacing does noit help.
Re: Father’s Day by Dovina	some deleted user 81.69.23.196	19-Jun-05/6:58 PM
Most men don't have to consider, they simply see what's happening with dad... On the other hand; the son is always convinced he will NOT become his father, he'll do better. So the idea that his own core also will be revealed in the end, escapes him. Interesting musings, but also disappointing, as a poem. Don't know why precisely. The 'complained/content' antithesis jars somewhat.
Re: White Stork by Blue Magpie	Dovina 12.72.12.187	19-Jun-05/7:11 PM
Storks are elegant birds, and lore's attached significance makes them seem more elegant; but your point gets lost in the form and even reduces them to "simple" bird.
Re: All in Love by gothiclovepoetiss	Dovina 12.72.12.187	19-Jun-05/7:16 PM
Not a limerick.