sometimes feelings lie

I remember the swap meet over on Slawson.

Trite in places with a couple forced rhymes, but overall very expressive. I probably shouldn't have rated this since I tend to be a little harsh on love poems.

Sweet! Nice rhythm. The rhymes work. The images are vivid.

Try "time worn smooth by emery" and you have a very tight, almost technically perfect piece.

An interesting variation on the two main rhyme schemes. You seem to get a bit lost in the words in the middle, and in line 8 the words "She directs" are not iambic. However the biggest problem, technically is in the last line where 'hangs on' is a serious miss step, giving you a 'dum dum' where you need a 'dum da'.

Nonsense poetry, traditionally has rhyme and rhythm to compensate for the lack of meaning.

I liked the title. I don't see how it relates to the poem. Which is also good.

Not enough variation to avoid rhyming "love" and "above". You might be tempted to ask, What's wrong with that? This is: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=97622

Golly. I now realise the title is the worst mistake a poet can make... Anyone under the age of 50 sees no reason to read the poem. :-|

...contemplation...by...a...tortoise... In other words; you ruined your own poem.

Often the AA-BB form has all the subtility of a slogan for sanitary towels, bt you managed quite elegantly. A pleasant read.

A loverly relationship.

>>The rain from spain falls mainly in their veins.<< Ah! My Fair Lady in a theatrical reworking by Cheech & Chong!

Good form.

Yeah, you're right. Those pumpkin shells don't keep them very well.

So many nights just like the one described make me resonate with this poem. Now I have to shower with my flat screen monitor. A bit of William Carlos Williams or Carlos William Carlos in this one.

fire, blisters, kiss me, take me away with your gothic foreplay... but not this lifetime; not today.-3- for length.

When I heard this (let's see. I was twelve), It ended with the word "brother." Incest is always best in limerick form.

Somehow the first half and the second half do not gel. I'm curious to know why. Because the 'introduction' is too scientific? Yes! The implications of the facts in the first part are so overwhelming, so chilling, that they degrade the loneliness of the characters to an absolute triviality. Microcosmic specks, lost in an incomprehensible infinity. But it's Infinity that awes, not those human specks.