zodiac
on Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce
18 Jun 2005, 3:06 AM
And,
*********PLAGIARISM ALERT***********
You don't seem to have gotten the point last time, lil_evil_boi (or seem to be unable to distinguish between things you've heard once and things you've invented yourself). You must go running to record companies all the time with some song you've written, only to find it's "Losing My Religion".
Nentwined: Not that you need to, but google any line from any of these. The most egregious ones are actual bumper stickers.
Most of the rhymes are forced and there are a few grammar issues. Elimate the metaphors that don't work and you might yet become an e e cummings.
The first 4 verses were excellent. That's exactly the level of abstraction that best suits your style. You can often make a stronger point by allow the reader to think about where you may be coming from in your life with your writing than you do when you spell it out for them.
These are the least naughty poems I've ever read.
Hmmmmm, i recal this poem in the Poetry Corner forum on www.braingell.com, why bother with the shower? Just hold your breath
Ha! and later you'll get rolled for your wallet.
Howarya pig? This has such a great underlying rhythm that I think it should be turned up just a notch. Give it a form I think it'll be fine.
hot diggity dog its bloody fantastic. 6th stanza good golly.
The core consists actually of two lines:
'Will he go to the end of the world for her?
Will he also do household chores for her?'
No real problem to extend the message, but you could have used a bit more humor, more sarcasm.
The last 4 lines add nothing.
Dear diary,
I feel so blue
Engaged, for more than sixty years
I love him still o yes I do
I hide from him my flood of tears
Smile every time he says, Quack cheese!
*sob*
Will Donald ever make my wish come true
and fill me up with little duckies?
(sneaky way to post 2 DoubleU poems within one hour)
I don't hate this. mostly.
you're spelling is awesome.
Romantics Facing Reality -- meetings at 8PM at the International Order of Oddfellows Hall.
no
take you where?
Blair Witched?
hope you like this one,... another one of mine is "perfect place" plz rank that one too!!! thx
I think "BIG EGO" or "BIG PENIS" is implied somewhere. I almost missed the last line. I rated the poem high, but I like political and social work more than most people.