Omit "so much" from Verse 3 and this is pretty good.

There was this news item about a student barfing over his teacher. Just exam nerves; the explanation he tossed around

What did she see that brought forth a welling of bile? Or is the bile figurative for what you saw? In either case - yuck - why the last line?

not as good as the JOEY one.

People usually kick and scream when I nit-pic the lines of their poems. Hope you're not like that. "fate coached him into twilight life" is a poetic line that tells little about Jeffrey at a time in the poem when development of the character is key. "hello'ed familiars, smiled at strangers" is out of sync with "to bask." Should be "'hello' familiars, smile at strangers" I think. "his laugh so like uncle Roy’s" introduces a new character and distracts the reader from understanding Jeffrey. The last verse is good and would have wrapped it up nicely if only I'd known.

This is a good theme that could be a good poem. As it is you have an outline for a poem

Something went wrong with the layout. Copied from the quoted part of an email? A pity, as the poem has elegance. I would reconsider the last line. Mainly because of >>demanded<<

In between the first and the last stanza's you've made your point. Delete or reconsider everything else. Your use of puncts is awful. So are the >>i<<'s and the >>cants<<. You really think hip forms can hide weak contents? This poem does have potential, although the symbolism of little specks in the ocean of infinity is as old as Methusalem.

>>Here I’ve been a dragon and an elf, I’ve been learned to be more myself.<< After this, I expected a stanza with: 'There, I've seen seas and mountains and bathed in cosmic fountains' In short, I expected some sort of contrast This subject can be so much more.

Of all the cries from pain some sound suspiciously like delight... I simply don't believe that some parts, like 4 and 9, are not classics. But it's fun reading. Exactly what this manic-depressive board needs.

>>flat, round bottom<< What do I need to fondle your buns? Four-dimensional hands? Nice poem.

>>and must be fucked before you pay them.<< Makes sort of sense. Judas also worked without payment in advance.

The only decent way left to treat a subject like this is going contrary and by heavy metaphoring. It's almost a lyric; I wonder how this would sound when sung by Bono. If he wanted to. And I don't think so.

We had a hippie painter here, quite famous for his four wives. They adored him for more than thirty years. So when, shortly before his death, he declared that the relationships were of a platonic nature, no one believed him.

Leave "that" out of the second line and this is good.

graphic

I think Joseph Smith was an idiot.

most generals I've seen (excluding Stormin' Norman) are not fat.. they are quite trim, in fact. We all have to die. Nobody makes anybody enlist in the armed services anymore. It's like saying "My life is not worth preserving" when you sign up.

Poetry -------------------------- SLAM! Poetry Compare and contrast. (5 points)

Bow'ls. Incidentally, I've just started working with a real feral boy (aka, a wolfboy) who's been locked in a sheep pen the last fifteen years. It's fascinating. Incidentally, people who talk about how some rapist got off easy by going to an asylum are just plain ignorant. Trust me, I've worked in asylums (as well as all kinds of rehabilitation programs). And the guy obviously needed asylum treatment. Like we all do.