Charming, in a child like way. Made me smile.

the first stanza builds up an expectation which the ending doesn't really satisfy. nonetheless i think it's a fairly good work in a nursery rhyme kind of way. thank you for sharing.

generally, this is a wonderful write. wistful and rather fleeting. it could use more poignancy though. i had to read several times to feel it. perhaps its the structure.

I really like how cold you make birth feel in this poem. a somewhat recycled feel. like a tired soul being reused to birth an inadequate baby. the images come in chilling shards. the ending was like poison, a gentle deadly surprise. i didn't expect the poem to touch on death in the end. thank you for sharing.

I have a little trouble with the 3rd to last line. "To pleasure" Pleasure is a noun. now pleasuring can be used intransitivly as a verb.. as well as pleasured. you could say "be pleased in what the dead cannot" and you don't lose the beats.

I couldn't follow this.

I couldn't find this one. Searched for it, but no. okay, one line I liked, "brazen wiggle of clacking hips."

I couldn't find the beat. And i got confused by the rhyme scheme. i guess I need a cup of coffee.

I didn't like it, because it doesn't do what i do. Then I read it again because I'm a bigot. Then it was fun.

I laughed. thanks.

Very Cute. It gives the reader a sense of calm, but torwards the end it begins this whole new thing, and you wonder where that sense of calmness went. But it's still a very cute poem.

Awwww .. I like this! (Hey, It's Erika. xD I finally joined! :D) It's very cute, short and sweet. Nice Job!

seems like a first draft. make line four have the same rhythm as line two. add two beats to line four of S-3

I thought vanity was quite opaque. I can't figure out how a disconnection can be steep.

I don't want to comment on the serious topic here. just that I didn't like the poem. the sentiment is understandable though.

I often wish to write as metaphoric and imaginative as you, and often wish you would do it less for clarity's sake. Here I think you have a pretty good balance. But shouldn't it be "disconnected from skin by scissors"? The first three verses are good, but the last leaves some untapped drama or its clouded in image. It seems the last line could come up so it applies to Mummy and end with the zip code of granite.

"hollowed out trees" If it has a deeper meaning, I missed it.

Thanks for the feedback and for taking the time to read it. I appreciate it.elderking

"all wick and no candle" I love that. I like the ending too. "...you should have known he'd do both.

this is def a real poem by a real poet. niicee :)