Re: Floss by jauser	Dovina 85.169.62.90	2-Aug-05/8:16 AM
Figure out what you want to say. Then say exactly that.
Re: After He Left by Dovina	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:44 AM
One of the best ending stanzas I have ever read, but the first one could use a bit of work. It makes sense, but the change in tenses and the last line-in the first stanza-is a bit grey. *9*
Re: Interstellar Planetary Escape Plan by drnick	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:47 AM
It would be more intriguing if it wasn't written like it just came out of "Where the Sidewalk Ends". *7*
Re: Forgiveness by Niphredil	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:49 AM
Very good! I loved "before your blood congeals into hate". Could've done without the misplaced last line. *9*
Re: SO LONG MY BELOVED by prettyktm	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:54 AM
Not too many soldiers pussy out like this, and please don't just repeat in the last stanza what you said in the first stanza. I know it's free verse, but the structuring is pitiful. *4*
Re: Floss by jauser	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:57 AM
How old are you? Are you expecting positive feedback with this load? Just use the word "fuck", nobody holds it against you. What we do hold against you is your poor spelling, rudimentary grammar, and total lack of poetic understanding. "Tragedic"? COME ON! *2*
Re: Wars Between Held Breath's by thepinkbunnyofdoom	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/10:59 AM
Better englsih translation and you've got a solid bedtime story here. *7*
Re: Wars Between Held Breath's by thepinkbunnyofdoom	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:00 AM
englsih? that's ironic.
Re: HOW IT USUALLY ENDS! by pennymarie	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:01 AM
The first stanza ruined it for me, sorry. *6*
Re: writers block by Jesus' Pedometer	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:03 AM
Ha! Always an uphill...what's the word? Darn it! *9*
Re: Mandrakes by Caducus	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:05 AM
Strange...yet handy as an all-purpose stain remover and weather-resistant wood finish. *8*
Re: Life is not serious by daggatolar	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:07 AM
A bit jumbled. *7*
Re: untitled by AaronJKeating	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/11:08 AM
Glorious imagery. Just great. Loved it all the way. *10*
Re: Potato hail by T. Jonathron Remp	MacFrantic 207.200.116.65	2-Aug-05/1:32 PM
Absurd! Wonderfully Potato! Superb poem without the potatoing as well! *10*
Re: After He Left by Dovina	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	2-Aug-05/4:44 PM
Nice work. an honest description. 8
Re: untitled by AaronJKeating	darby pyn 207.200.116.130	3-Aug-05/12:10 AM
That was great. so imaginative.
Re: On the Discovery of Hats and a Jaunting Ogre by MacFrantic	jauser 4.241.15.145	3-Aug-05/12:10 AM
your stuff is good, I would thot of u better. Too bad you don't comment as good as you write.
Re: Interstellar Planetary Escape Plan by drnick	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.67	3-Aug-05/12:52 AM
I LOVE the last 4 lines! (Lines 5-8 have a good cadence/rythm, as do the last four lines)
Re: Tangled web. by darby pyn	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.67	3-Aug-05/1:15 AM
their> there clinched> clenched? my woos> ? made up word? (I've been known to use them) or woes? if so then next words don't rhyme. ? I'm too tired to look up> hypocrisy looks mispelled, but it might just not be. This is a strange piece for me to digest...The first stanza makes No sense to me at all, but then the rest seems connected and I decide I like it...so disconnected, and at places hard to read> hard to know where to pause, break, start, stop. You use punctuation, so maybe doing some cleaning up on that would help to clarify some places. Example> 'I’m the one she had not the one who was chosen' Is this to read?: 'I’m the one she had, not the one who was chosen.' You use periods, but no capitalization, other than 'I' and 'A-frame', maybe you would consider fixing that. Besides the technical stuff, and the fact that I am facinated by the strangness of the wording, aaaaaand that I have decided I like alot of the lines...I am not sure what this is even about, or what it is saying...all I know is that it leaves a sour taste in my mouth, a feeling of morbid facination with what ever in the world is going on in this piece- which I suppose is the intent...but.. there is more to it than that, a deeper thing in there...but what? I am not sure! I gave you a fairly high score in spite of what all is wrong with this piece...because I have the feeling there is a gem in there.
Re: After He Left by Dovina	LilMsLadyPoet 152.163.100.67	3-Aug-05/1:20 AM
possesseions> spelling error. Other than that...cool! My fav:"Perhaps that's why I hord the world in words with hope that when I die the sum suggests" <I adore this...belongs in the "Writer's Anthem". No, there is no such thing, just in my mind, when I run across words that say our passion, dive, and purpose so eloquently)