Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	4-Nov-05/4:54 PM
Has a nice sound to it but it leaves a lot of questions. What do you mean by "calks"? Why are pelicans there in the winter time? "sadness sweetly coming"? Why 13 birds? What's it about? My guess, getting pregnant. I wouldn't mind a few more stanzas given it's pleasant meter.
Re: A Joining Of Souls (edit) by Caducus	INTRANSIT 152.163.100.67	4-Nov-05/6:57 PM
The last stanza: Remnants of her remain? Yes, that's what remnants do. (Boooo Hissssss) Lose the corny end rhyme. "from beneath the lashes" ...(holds arms straight up, palms inward)
Re: Never Alone at Night by Limness	anushree 59.93.242.243	5-Nov-05/5:25 AM
amazing poem
Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	Dovina 209.247.222.93	5-Nov-05/2:13 PM
Dear everyone who cares and doesn’t, Along the coast of LaLa Land, we sometimes watch sunset on Pacific Ocean’s horizon and a little later see coast-range peaks still glistening snow in post-sunset glow. Pelicans post themselves on posts in post-day and post wisdom like Post-It notes with cocked beaks — poor misdesigned birds. I wrote “calks,” a misspelling of “cocks,” in what Freud would have called “penis envy” which subconsciously prevented my using the loaded “cocks.” His theory supposedly explains the envy many women feel of men's status and career opportunities — as if such feelings required a theory, especially one with such a provocative and misleading name. It makes you think of those few women who want a penis so badly they'd consider surgery to obtain one. But penis envy was never meant that way by silly Freud. Anyway, I’ve changed it to “cocks” and wait patiently for interpretations. As for the off/on rhyming, well, I’m not as good as I once was. But once, I’m as good as I ever was, once upon a time — Wuntz. Now everybody sing along.
Re: Posted Pelicans by Dovina	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:22 AM
Nice. Tre Cali. It's interesting that you used an ungainly creature to represent settledness. I mean that as a compliment, and see how it works, but I always think pelicans look like they're about to fall over.
Re: To The Modern Black Standard by ALChemy	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:31 AM
You must mean Billie Holiday singing "gimme a pigsfoot and a bottle of beer" as written by a Jew. Try Nina Simone: You know I smoked a lot of grass, Oh Lord, I popped a lot of pills But I never did touch nothing that my spirit couldn't kill You know I see a lot of people walkin' round here with tombstones in their eyes 'Cause the pusher don't care, child, if you live or if you die God damn on the pusher, I said God damn him God damn him, pusher man You have to hear it. When Nina says God damn, you know God's paying attention.
Re: tourist by skaskowski	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:36 AM
Regarding the poem: I don't think she redecorates by keeping (or reinstalling) the original fixtures, which I assume is what tourists do in old country places. It needs a different word. Regarding tourists: Mid-desert, they will unfailingly find the biggest patch of sunlight and stand in it, blinking.
Re: Scarlet by BrandonW	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:38 AM
Really? Really???
Re: The Old Boat by Damon Mower	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:40 AM
Good except the last line.
Re: The Bed I Made by BrandonW	zodiac 217.144.7.195	6-Nov-05/4:55 AM
A: Divide the total number of times she's walked through the door by the total number of times she could potentially have walked through the door. The second number should be very high. A: Just make them up. We won't know the difference. A: Use mnemonics, like I knew at precisely two -or- She left at four because she's a whore. Of course, that doesn't help if you've already forgotten what time precisely you knew. You might try hypnosis, or keeping a daily planner. A: In the dark, preferably crouching.
Re: Scarlet by BrandonW	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Nov-05/12:52 PM
It's been my experiance that red heads are some of the best lays. Although I may be only half right seeing I only do the girls.
Re: tourist by skaskowski	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Nov-05/1:17 PM
Lose "whole" in stanza 2.
Re: Wondering on the Streets by woodstock20000	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	6-Nov-05/1:30 PM
Stars are made of Hydrogen and a little Helium but on the other end tears as well as all matter in the universe is made of stars. Here's a song that might speak to you. http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/wariner-steve/two-teardrops-2923.html
Re: Fading Memory by longships	Dovina 209.247.222.91	6-Nov-05/5:05 PM
A somber tale, and if true, points to the death rate by car accident, 4%, compared to suicide, 1.4%, in the US. It's just that poetry seldom leads to car accidents.
Re: The Fonz Koan by zen_tom	zodiac 217.144.7.195	7-Nov-05/4:52 AM
Not haiku.
Re: When Did You Walk Away? by TLRufener	zodiac 217.144.7.195	7-Nov-05/5:20 AM
I know you use your poetry to convey your thoughts and experiences and wish to make an accurate account of your life and times and everything, but did you know that in 61 poems you've asked an astonishing 83 questions? Do you plan on ever answering anything?
Re: Night on the Towne by Modulo	cyan9 217.40.63.105	7-Nov-05/6:10 AM
Much better than your piece High? Coo. Uses plenty of lively language that reminds me of dodgy cocktail bars. I'm not sure about the exclamation mark and the capitalization of jazz nights at the end, bit too much exclamation for my likings, anyway good effort.
regarding some deleted poem...	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	7-Nov-05/11:13 AM
"Division began on the horizon" is unneeded and redundant. Nice sound to it. Love the mystical quality.
Re: Bluegrass Blueshield by T. Jonathron Remp	ALChemy 24.74.101.159	7-Nov-05/11:32 AM
Not cinquain. You know what's funny. If you search cinquain at dictionary.com it causes a glitch in which it can't find any definitions but then offers twice the exact same spelling as an alternative and if you click those it just brings up the same response but if you type cinquains (the plural form) than you get the definition for cinquain. Maybe it's the Smythe-Klein Effect.
Re: a casting is rescued by ay deee	Dovina 69.175.32.104	7-Nov-05/12:45 PM
Would be stronger with a few words scratched - carbonless, "is" in the title, becoming, invincibility.