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A Joining Of Souls (edit) (Free verse) by Caducus
The way I looked at Chagall is the way I look at you. The song of natures ballad is the air from your mouth whenever you kiss me. The golden knives of sunlight reminds me of your hair brushing over my thighs and painting a masterpiece of blonde and scarlet rain. The crashing of moonlit waves reminds me how I fell, where an island was claimed from beneath the lashes to the depths beyond blue. The way she looked in sunset made it shy from her beauty and God slept well that Sunday for his greatest creation shone right through me. She lives apart from me now remnants of her linger I see her in my beautiful dreams I feel her in my pain. She lives whenever I sleep She dies whenever I wake But now whenever I weep I know ……… Joined souls can never break.

Up the ladder: happy birthday
Down the ladder: Watercolor Fairy

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6
Weighted score: 5.190725
Overall Rank: 4674
Posted: November 3, 2005 4:49 AM PST; Last modified: December 2, 2005 1:41 AM PST
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 69.175.32.104 | 3-Nov-05/5:13 PM | Reply
Knives remind - verse 2
I'd omit beautiful - last verse
otherwise beautiful
[8] BrandonW @ 216.78.101.60 > Dovina | 2-Dec-05/7:27 PM | Reply
I agree...
[9] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.100.67 | 4-Nov-05/6:57 PM | Reply
The last stanza: Remnants of her remain? Yes, that's what remnants do. (Boooo Hissssss)
Lose the corny end rhyme.

"from beneath the lashes" ...(holds arms straight up, palms inward)
[8] ALChemy @ 24.74.101.159 | 3-Dec-05/8:09 AM | Reply
Was she giving you a blowjob in the second stanza?

Give her this poem. Maybe she'll give you another one.

A little sappy though. -7-? Nah, I'll giv'im an -8-
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