veggiegurl
on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
24 Dec 2005, 4:27 PM
I think this is a very funny poem but not very tasteful at all still funny
I'm digging this..
"can you not see the death below us" seemed out of place, Crack Your Money
Why not use periods at sentence ends? You've used commas, and I think the addition of periods would make it read smoother. Otherwise good.
Somehoiw the "lovely bird" in line 5 seems inconsistent with the image built up of a put-down, tattered-wing bird with a low self image. Maybe "once-lovely." But it's a good poem, and welcome to poemranker.
Well written--I like sound of it when read aloud.
I love the language in this poem and your use of alliteration. good job.
"in escape" in the last line could be better worded. And I agree with whoever said you should put some periods at the ends of your sentences. Possibly also break up this big block of text into couplets or tercets. (Yes, I know it's supposed to be endless as a train, but poemranker's fixed-width text makes long stretches like this look positively Everestlike.) Otherwise, this isn't bad. I wasn't blown away, but you kept me reading til the end.
fuckin' great if you ask me!
my admiration to this poems slipped hints of mine
i want to depict the gothic princess as the modern poet..
A pretty dismal place, this void of yours.
I might be psycho
but I didn't make any typos
great poem you made
spend more time getting laid
Don't believe him. He's really a frog.
Very nicely done.
Stunning work. I adore the poetic device of reverse
chronology - it gives it a stronger feeling of the death. Though it is long, it is a great read and kept my attention right through. Good job!
Very unique voice here. Edgy and filled with
imagery. Good stuff here.
Though I found this disturbing, it is a valuable poem.
Too many people hide in darkness, doing their evil
without censure - you shone a light.
I started reading this poem "Void has come to void" and replacing all nouns, verbs and adjectives with "void", and found that it was identical to all your other poems. If you have ever read a poem, I'm a cod.
ehhh its alright I give it a five :)