Amanda...super poem...good attempt

*Yawn* Landscape poetry is bland and well... a picture would be more appropriate... 'Specially since your execution of this piece is cliche for the most part.

Let me whisper to you the fine points of poetic law cause breaking it can result in a broken jaw. Uninspired rhyming causes me to smile. My heart leaps at the chance to be vile. Cliche prattle which mentions your soul quickens my need for a needle in the hole. Your drivel shines like meth so glittery white, causing me to twitch in revulsion at night. Your poem is a cascade of uninspired crap brimming with the detritus of youth-- pubescent emotions blooming, filling the air with the sound of frustrated screaming. Woe to you, gripped in this particular sad stage of life-- you who hasn't yet come to understand the pains of real strife. I wish that you'd reconsider sharing such poetry because such lousy writing is far from lovely; it causes my critique to be insultingly rude & lively.

Rubbish.

True love has nothing to do with tired and uninformed cliches. True love is like getting beat in the face and coming back for more. True love is beauty that compels one closer despite ones revulsion. True love is wiping your better half's ass without hesitation. True love is sacrificing your own happiness to ensure theirs-- and if they love you back they won't allow you to sacrifice your happiness: True love is sharing each others misery and being unhappy together. True love is to cherish the bits of him/her which others find to be disgusting. True love is making your lover suffer for their own good. True love is a topic you are not equipped to discuss. Your "true love" has more to do with what makes you feel good. It encapsulates the essence of Hedonistic Selfishness.

This poem is weak.

Yes.

Split the forehead and expose the soul.

Try Harder.

me gusta

i have issues with the title. the imagery within the poem is mostly excellent. the line "spreads the joy" seems a bit out of place somehow, less crisp and specific than the rest.

light and whimsical in spite of the violent images.

i feel you on this. it's not always just the teens, either.

the conceit here ends with the word laptop. in my not so humble opinion, so should the poem. the last two stanzas are already pretty clearly implied, almost a completely different poem. i think the sudden change in perspective weakens rather than strengthens.

'tis.

i like the word use and images. thirsting for a babe that sleeps in the sun's fleece, our bones become hands shaped at midnight, let dusk hatch us silver. super. this would be a nine or a ten, but the very last line seems not to fit at all.

the first line is great, but the rest lacks specifics. what behavior? kill what? drink what?

i think is among your best.

I have made some minor changes..title from "ceaseless smile" to "pulsating smile" and have made from "spreads the joy" to "generates joy"....please remind me and be mentor...I shall be ever grateful...Thank you to one and all...

care to post an english translation?