| Re: Camden Gaithright by MacFrantic |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
7-Jun-06/5:20 AM |
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Superb. The final line seemed a little off-rhythm to me, or maybe a bit too long. Either way, it shouldn't be too tricky to fix. Also, being stupid as I am, I read it as 'A God accepting is a God deranged'.
P.S. - I wrote a paradelle recently. Damn tricky form.
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| Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger |
Niphredil 132.69.238.35 |
8-Jun-06/12:49 PM |
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Viole is a reference to violence - assault, violation. If I had to bet, I'd say that viole, in conjuction with the slender neck, provides an additional, darker association of how easy it would be to snap.
- Niph, amateur psychopath ;-)
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| Re: Instructions to a Sculptor by Christof |
Ranger 62.252.32.15 |
9-Jun-06/3:35 AM |
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If poetic Armageddon arrived, and I could only keep one poem out of every one ever written, it would be this one.
Line six - 'through' instead of 'between'?
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| Re: Skating by Bobjim |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.240.253 |
9-Jun-06/4:34 AM |
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This deserves a high rating as much as I deserve the Nobel prize.
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| Re: I hate your guts and think you're stupid by horus8 |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.240.253 |
9-Jun-06/4:42 AM |
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I enjoy your unusual spelling of "parochial"; it no doubt explains your bad writing skills.
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| Re: hah by xanthippe |
Edna Sweetlove 81.178.240.253 |
9-Jun-06/4:43 AM |
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This has merit. Not much.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/8:43 AM |
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huh.
the matter of lovemaking as conquest is rather overdone as well as offputting, even if there is some sense of committment/responsibility.
the written style didn't really do much for me, either...
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| Re: Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/12:11 PM |
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wow. a chilling tale, actually.
nicely written.
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| Re: Your Great by scitz |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/12:45 PM |
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u gotta do this in 733t, dude.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/1:31 PM |
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this is a concrete, no? interesting.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/1:32 PM |
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| Re: Split Me by Sunny |
lmp 141.154.134.3 |
9-Jun-06/2:03 PM |
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i believe this is about grief... and they way a simple image that distracts you from the humdrum of everyday life will allow the carefully maintained and taut facade of composure to crumble... about the relief of grieving, the release of the pain and anguish.
i would guess (from the impression of the dandelion "manna") that the loss was a child dying or maybe only departing home, off to create their own life beyond your ability to control. you only have faith that they will succeed or will rest in peace.
poignant. well written. excellently composed. great transitions. 9.
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| Re: Edna's Lovely World Cup Poem by Edna Sweetlove |
horus8 24.126.116.245 |
9-Jun-06/7:48 PM |
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I came so close to caring, but than...
Well, I realized how completely boring you
truly have become.
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| Re: A Fart For All Mankind by Edna Sweetlove |
horus8 24.126.116.245 |
9-Jun-06/7:55 PM |
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Exactly, once again you Brits prove you're entire universe is a black and white snap shot of a fatman sipping tea, and smelling ass. Thank god I'm a yankee, I can at least move past fart noises and onto other things like Jews, media, toast, and imploding politicians. fucking limey pirate cunt, I wouldn't even throw a dart at you in a pub on a whim. Because see, I'm on mushrooms and playing music, and writing poetry mate. I'm handsome, and blasting through life all a gawk, but you, you're a fucking whiner, and a bore. You always have been, to be Frank, although I'm Horus. You understand, that's why you read it, and whine, not imaginative enough to have done anything with your life. just another suit in a long line of complaints.
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| Re: You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger |
some deleted user 194.154.22.51 |
10-Jun-06/4:29 AM |
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| Re: Vodka kisses & the final sigh. by SupremeDreamer |
some deleted user 194.154.22.51 |
10-Jun-06/4:30 AM |
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| Re: Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim |
some deleted user 194.154.22.51 |
10-Jun-06/4:31 AM |
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| Re: planet by -=??lilaznjen??=- |
Edna Sweetlove 81.179.115.207 |
11-Jun-06/6:01 PM |
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| Re: hate by ts |
Edna Sweetlove 81.179.115.207 |
11-Jun-06/6:02 PM |
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| Re: Tin Can Longings by phoenixxx |
Edna Sweetlove 81.179.115.207 |
11-Jun-06/6:02 PM |
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