lmp
on some deleted poem
9 Jun 2006, 1:32 PM
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Total shite
Total horses' piss.
utter horseturd
This has merit. Not much.
u gotta do this in 733t, dude.
this is a concrete, no? interesting.
wow. a chilling tale, actually.
nicely written.
This deserves a high rating as much as I deserve the Nobel prize.
I enjoy your unusual spelling of "parochial"; it no doubt explains your bad writing skills.
I came so close to caring, but than...
Well, I realized how completely boring you
truly have become.
If poetic Armageddon arrived, and I could only keep one poem out of every one ever written, it would be this one.
Line six - 'through' instead of 'between'?
huh.
the matter of lovemaking as conquest is rather overdone as well as offputting, even if there is some sense of committment/responsibility.
the written style didn't really do much for me, either...
Superb. The final line seemed a little off-rhythm to me, or maybe a bit too long. Either way, it shouldn't be too tricky to fix. Also, being stupid as I am, I read it as 'A God accepting is a God deranged'.
P.S. - I wrote a paradelle recently. Damn tricky form.
Viole is a reference to violence - assault, violation. If I had to bet, I'd say that viole, in conjuction with the slender neck, provides an additional, darker association of how easy it would be to snap.
- Niph, amateur psychopath ;-)
i believe this is about grief... and they way a simple image that distracts you from the humdrum of everyday life will allow the carefully maintained and taut facade of composure to crumble... about the relief of grieving, the release of the pain and anguish.
i would guess (from the impression of the dandelion "manna") that the loss was a child dying or maybe only departing home, off to create their own life beyond your ability to control. you only have faith that they will succeed or will rest in peace.
poignant. well written. excellently composed. great transitions. 9.
Exactly, once again you Brits prove you're entire universe is a black and white snap shot of a fatman sipping tea, and smelling ass. Thank god I'm a yankee, I can at least move past fart noises and onto other things like Jews, media, toast, and imploding politicians. fucking limey pirate cunt, I wouldn't even throw a dart at you in a pub on a whim. Because see, I'm on mushrooms and playing music, and writing poetry mate. I'm handsome, and blasting through life all a gawk, but you, you're a fucking whiner, and a bore. You always have been, to be Frank, although I'm Horus. You understand, that's why you read it, and whine, not imaginative enough to have done anything with your life. just another suit in a long line of complaints.
Not much good.
Bad bad bad
Rubbish