clever! very tight writing and good depth, even on a well-worn path.

i like the sentiment a lot, and i agree with the main points. But somehow the poem itself really doesn't move me. needs some sort of concrete imagery to give the invective grounding. worry not though, this is just one lunatic's opinion.

i don't get it.

i liked the recurring "lay low" to begin stanzas. it seems to me that refrain was abandoned far too early in the poem, which turns into a loose stream-of-consciousness type rant without a focal point. this seems to be going somewhere good, but right now there's just no focus.

overall i like this.

i wonder how many readers understand the historical significance here. this is very well thought out. my suggestion would be to have liner notes like eliot, explaining the references.

Argh, I'm so close to getting this without having to pick at it. Is this an anti-political-correctness poem, or an anti-establishment poem?

The first line is class and the imagery in here is pretty unique to the subject, I think. Lines 8 and 9, although fun, seem a little...erm...simple, maybe, in comparison with the rest? The content is good there but I'd have preferred it to be rephrased. Other than that, I thoroughly enjoyed this :-)

The 'splat' at the end is a new addition, I believe, and a very good one, also. Amusing and repulsive.

i feel ya. sloshin' is a weak beginning though; reverse the order of lines 1 and 2. last stanza rocks rocks rocks.

What a lovely homecoming! I must say, your life sounds far more exciting than mine. However, I must be an anus, because 'Farting In A Cathedral' still gets me every time, and is my favourite of your poems. Perhaps it is the highly amusing audio version of it which helps.

grotesque. captivating. wan autumn's fart is superb. lines 3 and 4 don't add anything useful. middle 2 stanzas are pretty clever. very original stuff for the most part, but for me the gross-out factor ends up killing it at the end.

I've seen better things written in shit on public toilets. Even without the ridiculous spelling errors you still have no originality and no rhyme scheme. I expect you'll enjoy this comment, however, as it will give the opportunity to write a poem about 'tht fkn btch hu slagd of mi poem, lyk.' Go on. Slag me off. I dare you. Utter tripe, and well deserving of being in the 'worst.'

you could have done SO much more with this.

repost this in "limerick"

umm, ok.

The story in here is good - from experience (partly/entirely)? I tend to find that lyrics are difficult to rate in purely written form; their effectiveness is substantially down to the music involved. The following song is the ultimate example of it - average poetry, but utterly stunning when set to music: http://www.lyricscafe.com/p/porcupine_tree/061.htm (beware popups...) for the lyrics, if you can download it, the band is Porcupine Tree and the song is Heartattack In A Layby. **shameless plug over** What's the deal with the title - 'weather poem'?

So are you saying that religious wars make for a more interesting life? That's what I'm taking from this poem.

i somehow have the sense that i've seen this form before. or maybe it's just a bit similar to other forms. in any case the repetition works very well. the topic is a little on the cutesy side, but it's blunt, tight and well-addressed. one may criticize the poem as insensitive to the issues dealt with by the obese, but anyone who can't figure out the point probably needs hooked on phonics.

i love the way you construct the stanzas; it feels very natural as endrhymes go. i do agree with your own comment about a dearth of metaphor, but that doesn't detract much.