ALChemy
on some deleted poem
6 Sep 2006, 11:43 AM
Southpark
Unbelievably good. 'Slip sibilant...' - reference to the sound of crickets? I thought it worked well. But then again, so did the rest of the piece.
I love a dental stump up my bumhole
Fantastic. This goes on my fave list. I re-read it to myself just so I could hear the rhythm out loud.
Funny, in many senses of the word...
Superb, another favourite :-D
"fractious day" reminds me of Jabberwocky.
"Slip sibilant over the fields" doesn't really make sense but "Slip over the sibilant fields" would.
The whole poem makes me think of the death scene at the end of Gladiator.
Are you Dan Brown?
Yeah, I've been to those headstones, and seen that flour on her face. I've felt a mind crwoded with those thoughts. But I think the funky line ends and punctuation are attempst to shourd the impossible thing to say in poetic mystery, and it's easily seen through.
THIS IS MY FUCKING BEST POEM. EVER. ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS AN ANUS. I ONLY WANT 10/10 - ALL OTHERS GO SUCK.
I like wordplay, but not sure what you're going for here.
Not bad for 12 mins to kill--very fun. ;) Purple poltergeists and Ghana booty and melting chocolate priests (my favorite kind)--won't even try to guess, but I had a good time along for the ride.
grammar nazi says: "Whose will is this?"
straightforward image, clear to understand. good sentiment, well expressed if somewhat trite.
but oh the grammar...
made me laugh i'm ashamed to admit ....
Nice. Like richa, with rhythm.
Love some of the passages in here - 'seeds cling to stem', 'hidden labyrinths', 'curved shield of pewter sky' etc. I also like the way you begin with 'new gold' (of young grain, I assume) as opposed to the older amber light. Metre isn't my strong point, but 'over' was awkward to me, I'd have felt more comfortable with 'across', somehow. Line 13 I think should be 'Cicadas' (unless it's the churn of a cicada, not sure what you're getting at there). I do really like this though, the gentleness and natural beauty. Makes me think of home :-)
Oh, mister P, once again you give us an amusing reflection on modern life. If only this could be turned into a full-length epic of beauty, barbarism and Burberry...
wacky. i like it!
some beautiful images, some careless errors. shallow wombs and the first two lines are priceless. very strong ending too. bleeding sky image a bit heavyhanded. "a of a" in the 4th line. Buddhas misspelled in the 9th.
nypoet22
on Let's praise great Britannia's golden days of now and then by Edna Sweetlove
8 Sep 2006, 3:40 PM
this reads like a novella. i greatly enjoyed the continuous stream of vitriol in the various pieces of the puzzle, but found myself wanting some sort of break to make the whole rant seem a bit less haphazard. also, i find the end a little disturbing. personally i could do without getting my shite blown up by usama's crew.