Re: The Red Chain by MacFrantic	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.175	17-Sep-06/6:23 PM
Not exactly rocket science.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.175	17-Sep-06/6:24 PM
Hilarious. I laughed till I urinated.
Re: Morning Glory by moyah8	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.175	17-Sep-06/6:25 PM
I liked the last line. There's nothing like a good horny bit of adultery to get the old juices OOZING!
regarding some deleted poem...	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.246.175	17-Sep-06/6:26 PM
Pitiful.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.60.89	18-Sep-06/6:50 AM
You are a stunningly good poet, and there are far better people than I to pick through this. I do wonder, though, whether the end of line 3 ('are') is and error - the number doesn't match up with 'My voice', unless I am missing the point here. I may well be.
Re: weather poem part 7: a short, sudden gust by nypoet22	Ranger 86.131.60.89	18-Sep-06/6:53 AM
'Weather' works fine as a verb in the last line; I read it that way the first time round. You might want to think about making the title a little more revealing - perhaps twisting round the Oscar Wilde quote 'The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about' (assuming I remembered the quote correctly). Of course, you run the risk of having a title longer than the poem that way.
Re: Morning Glory by moyah8	Ranger 86.131.60.89	18-Sep-06/6:59 AM
'...and that's when I swore I saw the grim reaper' had me laughing aloud. I'm not sure if you're intending for this to be a 'vulgar' poem like the South Parkers here, or if it's meant in seriousness. Also, your username made me wonder if it's some kind of horus8 tribute.
regarding some deleted poem...	Ranger 86.131.60.89	18-Sep-06/7:17 AM
I know I'm not one to talk about metre, but words like 'contingency' are awkwardly stressed for consistent metre, as are the prefixed and suffixed words. It would be far easier to read - and therefore enjoy - if it had a solid rhythm to it. At least, that's my take on it.
Re: Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:40 AM
Probably works pretty well as a spoken word piece--there is a kind of street-beat to it. Descriptive, but some of the descriptions lack freshness, a unique way of putting things. Pretty good overall, but I think your contempt for the slummers weakens the impact overall--the bleakness comes through strongly, but I think it would be even more effective if your disdain (your narrator's disdain) was tempered with more, I dunno, wistfulness or some softer emotion.
Re: don't touch me 2 by elderking	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:46 AM
Not sure why you started with "While"--it reads as "while hanging there . . . they sought the shelter," which seems off, odd. Would work if you just started with "Hanging in midair, her fingers startled still . . . curled like cowards . . ." I do like aspects of this--I like the sharp focus on the image of hands, the way you convey the story completely through what the hands are doing (reminds me a little bit of the scene in Hitchcock's "Notorious" where Ingrid Bergman has stolen her husband's wine cellar key, and there's a terrifying moment where you think she's going to get caught as he goes to kiss her palm, and all the tension and emotion is conveyed by a long shot of her hand holding the key, closing 'round the key, a fist behind her back and, finally, the open, keyless palm he deposits a kiss into). I'm a little confused by the syntax of this--hard to figure out whose fingers, whose willful hand. If you could clean up the narrative a bit, think you'd have a really effective poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:48 AM
Pretty good--got a nice kind of slice-of-life feel to it. I like "eyes like night and a mouth like sand," and the dialog--reminds me of a folk song. I also think the first person narrative works here--the empathy and the straight talk works for me.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:53 AM
I like the shift from general to specific, the way you start off broad and then make it more personal. The first line is a little too editorial for me--something other than "very sad" might work better--let the headlines speak for themselves, esp. in comparison with what follows; something like "The headlines in the paper today/[told of] front page kittens with popular appeal/ and tragedy befalling an ageing pekinese . . ." Something like that. Anyway, some good details in this (the kicked over pot, the curtains that don't quite meet) and the fact that you didn't editorialize or sentimentalize the death, but let the details carry the weight, works really well.
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:56 AM
I'd love the last line more if there were more of a build-up to it, something that anticipates it earlier in the poem. I think your second stanza might be a stronger starting point, and that your first stanza could use more fleshing out. And while I realize that you probably use "hollow ears that see words" in some metaphoric way, metaphors are more effective if they actually work in reality (in a sense), so I have to point out that ears don't see. (yeah, I'm pedantic.) Lots of potential here--would like to see a more complete treatment of your subject (especially given my Saturday morning of of my own wkend justification). ;-)
Re: weather poem part 7: a short, sudden gust by nypoet22	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/8:58 AM
Appropriate title, that's for sure. Clever in its way--especially the roundabout ending (everyone mentions the weather and now I must weather your mention [of the weather].
Re: The Red Chain by MacFrantic	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/9:00 AM
Your first stanza doesn't really make sense--it's as if you dropped a word in the first line. You've got a typo (apology). Some interesting language, but you seem to sacrifice sense for sound.
Re: The Secret by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	18-Sep-06/9:13 AM
Posting here, because not sure where else to put it: Walt Whitman award open for submissions. Submissions are accepted each year from September 15 to November 15. (Only open to American poets--sorry, across-the-pond denizens.) The Walt Whitman Award brings first-book publication, a cash prize of $5,000, and a one-month residency at the Vermont Studio Center to an American who has never before published a book of poetry. The winning manuscript, chosen by an eminent poet, is published by Louisiana State University Press. The Academy purchases copies of the book for distribution to its members. The award was established in 1975 to encourage the work of emerging poets and to enable the publication of a poet's first book. Submissions are accepted each year from September 15 to November 15, and an entry form and fee are required. The judge for the 2007 award will be August Kleinzahler. To obtain the guidelines and entry form for the Walt Whitman contest, please follow the link below or send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to the Academy in August. Winners are announced in May. Guidelines and Entry Form: http://www.poets.org/page.php/prmID/121 Nothing ventured . . .
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	colbaby 203.166.96.234	18-Sep-06/11:54 PM
I question our worthiness for the reciept of such suspect brilliance. A good classical concert will always benefit from a few more tuba solos either from the stage or the audience. That's class, innit? Noice, real noice.
Re: The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:50 AM
This is a miscarriage poem, right? You've got an odd timing in here - I can make most of it fit, but the first line throws it somewhat. With a slow reading it fits, but I found it still a little awkward. Are you entering the WWA?
Re: Sublime by nightowl	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:52 AM
Decent enough, could do with having the metre worked on though. I'd make the second line consistent with the internal rhymes of the other three. 'Companion/champion' is nice.
Re: Staring through you by creepshow	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:56 AM
Nasty poems work best with a solid structure for guidance. This, although undeniably nasty, could do with being structured. As it is, it reads like a stop-start collection of thoughts - which doesn't flow very well. By the way, do you really do all this?