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The Red Chain (Free verse) by MacFrantic The specialist completely
as the junction completes me.
It's here I fight to retain all
and reflect my sinking apolgy on you.
You imagine my hands as a chain
wrapped red around your neck.
You elect to scream
when you are alone.
Can I reject your sympathies:
what sinfully decadent lovelies
you construe?
I might scream with you.
Up the ladder:
Bed
Down the ladder:
Voyeur looking glass
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: September 16, 2006 1:54 PM PDT; Last modified: September 16, 2006 1:54 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.9103527 Overall Rank: 9678 Comments:
[8]
half.italian @ 70.36.242.152
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16-Sep-06/2:24 PM
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Reply
Did I miss something in the first line? A missing word or I just don't understand enough to accept it. Second stanza; elegant, chilling.
clever language. this poem is tightly constructed, which makes me wonder more about the subject. i feel the first 8 lines are very strong, but something more solid is needed within the last 4, to complete the chain, as it were.
Not exactly rocket science.
Your first stanza doesn't really make sense--it's as if you dropped a word in the first line. You've got a typo (apology). Some interesting language, but you seem to sacrifice sense for sound.
I always sacrifice sense, and I never take mistakes out. Thanks.
I don't understand the first line, and I'm not one for poetry that's so rephrased and rearanged it's fragmented, so this doesn't rate all that highly with me.
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