the word Toons, while it may be true to your experience, sounds weird, brings in images of kids cartoons, which i think isn't what you want. i happen to think that most of this reads brilliant, and probably sounds even moreso when you perform it. "barely soothed by the cheap malta flowin through my junkie veins" is definitely a line to keep. some tightening up might be called for, but i like the flow here a lot.

what did He say? what did He say? as the introduction to a series i could see this poem working, but i don't think it stands on its own.

i like the deadpan sarcasm here; this reads like a parody of a newspaper obituary. not sure if everyone will read it that way, but i came away with a distinct feeling of sharing the character's experience. powerful stuff.

deepest pockets sounds forced. i think willful hand needs to be plural. the rest works pretty well i think.

read this once yesterday and again today. brave sprouts i love.

hmm... couplets, hallmark style. on first glance it seems a bit childish as a composition, but i like the easy rhyme within and the half rhyme at the end.

ieeeeeewwwwwwwww...... this transitions from concept poem to gross-out comedy. really it's two different pieces. i think you should have stopped at "Anybody wanna suck?"

boom boom whap! boom boom whap! boom boom whap! FUCKING boom boom whap!! Jesus FUCKING loves you! whoo! cute.

ebrious! bittersweet too, i think.

GREAT piece of work

as a firm devotee of fortune-cookie poetry, i thoroughly enjoyed this. i like a lot how you alternate between the physical and the philosophical, finally ending on the physical. well done.

after first reading the re-done version (blue on black), i can really see now the process of how you tightened this piece up. with minor adjustments you've made major improvements, imho.

My mum's cunt tasted of oysters.

Total stupid girlish shite. You must be a mongo.

trash.

Long winded, semi-illiterate mouse-dung.

Illiterate faeces.

tripe

I think you mean "whether" in the last line.

this looks pretty random, or like a workshop exercise. lots of big words make this poem feel very antiseptic.