Ditto...

2nd stanza made me all nicey-nice. Also, what is a "trainer's chair?"

http://www.long-eaton.info/modules.php?name=News&;file=article&sid=409

Is this the best you can do, or is this the best you want to do? Not just this post, but the other two as well are really rather poorly done.

I liked the "freshly shaven" bit. It's things like that which separated the sheep from the, er, other sheep.

Friday's Monday's June takes a while to parse and makes a riddle out of it. The rest is quite nice in its obscurity.

I second the howl's bow'ls. Somewhat interesting, but not enough, and the flow, well, yeah. You call this happy? I was ready to berate fluffy bunnies...

These sound like happy complaints of two who have worked hard and have some minor pains. That's just an impression though, because it isn't very clear. If "hot cocoa stains" are sweaty dirt on shirt, then good description.

Is it the extremities or intremities you're seeking with this poem? ((hey, you complained you hadn't gotten insults, right?)) The blankness of his masturbation--fine, but why record it? Though I do sympathise with the feeling (am I leaving myself too open, here?) - this poem does not epitomize them in any good way. The second stanza's better than the first, but still uninteresting. Tell me something in a novel way (and I don't mean prose, and I don't mean rot13...) slip me the suggestion, the meaning, without my realising what you've said until I'm looking at the blade in my heart.

ending, now--that's the end of the poem, there. you've told us too much, and we don't care. Start elsewhere, make us feel things are ending. yeah, way too much tell throughout. Start at "Fuck", and you've got something better. Well, until you get to "So we moved on". still, you might have something here, in the back of your head, to convey. Just not conveyed in the poem.

"I remember the tiny details of the place" is a decent hook (as in, start there), but you need to follow with actual details, or contrast it with something that tells the lie. You've told me something, vague, and I don't believe you. An extra point for Starbucks, vile corporation that they may be, because I've always wanted to watch Battlestar Galactica, and I could use some coffee.

Not reading the whole thing, but caught something that might be a good hook; "Imagine -- saying it, meaning it" ((no need to repeat the title, we know, we know the reference)) Run from there. I like "I joined a party to fight for socialism but found ideology was out of fashion and we’re all in the centre ground now." Tell me more? I think you're all over the place on this, and I'm not feeling any of it, except the odd scrap.

This is actually clever. The thing I'm missing is it flowing. Sad but I think it needs a poet's touch, or maybe just an editor's. "I argue ... work" doesn't move things along as much as the rest, I think. Passable? Almost.

Nothing compounds the shame of having erupted from ordinary gay teacherhood into temporary statutory rape more than the condescending cooing of a delightfully plump cockney poeme. As you lick your fingers, a poor man on his way to an important assignation, you must find a way of cleansing your trousers whilst bewailing lack of moral rectitude and vowing never again to take the short cut through shambles where the temptation of speedy relief from a brazen young wench is all too enticing. 10 (parody? - yes)

Hey, this takes clever and runs with it for a bit. I'd drop the self-referential (and so therefore also write), since it's not about that _so_ much. ICO pen? I'm missing a bit, but I like the self-abuse. :)

Puerile garbage and not very grammatcal either. I am shocked at this as others of your poems have suggestd at somethng approaching genius. That "alley" one was a fucking winner. This: 1/10 and only 'cos I'm feeling friendly.

Here we have the sensible view of a practical man, where distinctions between thoughts and things, present and absent, knower and object, are all fixed and obvious from common sense. He knows the difference between real and imaginary, genuine knowledge and mere opinion. But would not such a man consider the 3 he mistakenly adorned on a “non-poem” and change it to the deserved 0 by now? Or is non-admission of mistaken impulse contained in what lesser life doesn’t understand?

Very touching, you two, but hardly of general interest. Enjoy your love.

"Beauty belongs in the distraction" Nice line.