nentwined
on JUST A FEW by rbooey
15 Feb 2007, 7:05 PM
ouch.
Thanks. I wish I had her back.
I really like it. I see something clearly. Dad comes home from hard work, to a child who wants to play. He just can't handle children being children when he's tired.
I could be off, but it works for me.
It's just fun to read.
Southern Comfort always brings me spirit wisdom.
The bear took out my knee! Damn, I'm going to have to be more careful with what I watch.
This has something, maybe, but it's too compact for me to get it and feel what I've gotten; I think it needs a little more flesh--but that's definitely no guarantee.
I like how this runs, but the obscurity reads like too much randomness to me. Nothing against randomness, but I need chaotic randomness, where there's a pattern if I can discern it ((and maybe I'm just not good at discerning)).
Calypso and apogee? Hmm.
Order.. and disorder--makes me miss an old techno album lost to age.
too abstract for me?
wow.
ouch.
eh. convoluted language just for the sake of sounding poetic?
it's a moment, but the moment has no context that makes me care.
Imititation Jam, Kennelling Lobsters?
Hmm. Ah, VDs?
Great for Valentine's, yes?
Cute, much cuter than the blatancy of it belies... but not enough for me, still, to care. Too much reliance on shock value, I think...?
I laughed at the last line.
I don't pay enough attention, though, and there's not enough in the poem itself to convey the full situation to me. Or maybe I just want it more complicated than it is.
those would have to be big hands -- a shovel, a pick, and a wheelbarrow? We're talking Paul Bunyan, here. I apologize for his tiny member, though--we didn't do enough testing on those pesticides.
General impression--not interested, really. A curious idea, but I'm not buying. More context, maybe?
Hmm. Interesting, maybe something clever, but both over and under told...
awkward, but does well for being so.
the last two lines are the redeeming glory, and the rest does well for being put so plainly, but... the thought's only so much.
nentwined
on Ode to a Pimple-Lyric Spawned by Phalkon's Greasy Face. by SupremeDreamer
15 Feb 2007, 6:50 PM
hm. Do I need to make a new feature "poems inspired by this poem" sort of thing?
nothing in and of itself, and I don't know Phalkon yet, so...
ow. not a good ow.
I sympathise, but only because, er, I do get where you're coming from. But not from the art of this poem.
If you actually mean any of this, know that it is a very poor tribute. Which is not to be ashamed of--probably most tributes are poor. But if you do actually mean any of it, consider trying to improve it--or just move on.
There is no happiness.