| Re: Spit Factor by [mojo] |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
22-Dec-20/5:59 PM |
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Humorous! Like your last line!
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| Re: Little Miss Ogyny by [mojo] |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
22-Dec-20/6:01 PM |
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| Re: The Land of Back-to-Front by [mojo] |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
22-Dec-20/6:09 PM |
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| Re: Paedophile at st catherine's by Mona Lisa |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
26-Dec-20/9:45 AM |
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Drawers full not draws.
Some very good lines.
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| Re: Firewoman by Richard |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
26-Dec-20/6:09 PM |
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Mixing modern language with words like "ere" and "paltry" makes this less strong. The last line is very strong.
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| Re: Lovesick by impert&ent |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
26-Dec-20/6:11 PM |
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| Re: Fragmental by Bill Z Bub |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
26-Dec-20/6:12 PM |
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| Re: Year of the Cucumber by Dovina |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
26-Dec-20/6:15 PM |
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Enjoyed the thought and imagery. Loved the last line.
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| Re: bitrot by nentwined |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
26-Dec-20/6:17 PM |
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bothered by line "bits moan"- rest is really good!
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| Re: protest chant by nypoet22 |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
26-Dec-20/6:19 PM |
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Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
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| Re: protest chant by nypoet22 |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
26-Dec-20/6:19 PM |
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Enjoyed this! Pithy. Might even say "meaty"!
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| Re: for John by pete |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
26-Dec-20/6:24 PM |
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some good lines, a little too disjointed for me. Liked sections on trying to reach nirvana but not able to- guess the point is armageddon coming, enjoyed parts.
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| Re: Family Portrait by Mr Pig |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
27-Dec-20/3:21 PM |
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I'd call it a narrative poem-- captures the story really well--poignant. I enjoyed the irony in the last 4 lines.
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| Re: First Love by Mr Pig |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
27-Dec-20/3:26 PM |
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I do not see how "insular" fits.
Liked the idea of the person being created by the lover the way a sculptor (or in this case sculptress) creates a ceramic piece. And carrying it through, where like a piece of terracotta, it crumbles into nothing.
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| Re: Lovers leave their marks by scitz |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
27-Dec-20/3:30 PM |
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grammar needs fixing, tenses of verbs are not matching subjects, annoying, also too many cliches- and some jarring lines, like "Some men are pathetic, wearing emotional cosmetic". Some strong emotions are captured, worth reworking.
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| Re: A Moment In Nowhere by Mr Pig |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
27-Dec-20/3:35 PM |
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Some beautiful lines:
"Somewhere in the midst of nowhere"; "blackened in wet mascara" (I suggest by black mascara); and my favorite: " "She presented conversation like a guilty bouquet."
Some lines not nearly up to that level of excellence: "amongst the flowers" strikes a false note. Loved the ending! Humorous!
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| Re: Fall Of The Heartlands by Mr Pig |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
27-Dec-20/3:39 PM |
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Some excellent lines. The point really gets across. Not so great, does not fit: "And to the east I stare", and you have several misplaced commas. Definitely worth revising.
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| Re: The Order Of Things by Mr Pig |
Jill Stockinger 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 |
27-Dec-20/3:41 PM |
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| Re: The Secrets Of Men by scitz |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
27-Dec-20/3:44 PM |
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Used rhyme inconsistently, which weakens the poem. Some good lines!
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| Re: Conditional Sex by scitz |
Jill Stockinger 127.0.0.1 |
27-Dec-20/3:47 PM |
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Weak ending, some great characterization (enjoyed all the description of the palsied old lady- well done!)
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