horus8
on Ecohippie by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
9 Oct 2003, 8:00 AM
Me too.
Rarrrr.
Dangie fervor, of course.
Your mention of the shadow (as has been mentioned) is very effective, but for some reason, i wasn't as fond of your description of the eyes. It seemed too clicheed. Other than that, though, i liked it very much.
You have neglected to mention the following important philosophical figures:
a)Joseph Smith
b)Aristotle
c)Shang Tsung
don't like the rhyming, it seem arbitrary.
Other than that I like it. Reads like a kind of thesis in verse.
Glad you mentioned emerson
So many ace lines, my favourite is' To swim is so much harder than to float or clasp the nearest rock and say that this is now my truth' a nice little half rhyme too.
Not too didactic either which is quite a feat for a poem about truth
Aren't there about a million poems about standing on cliff edges?
this best part:
"to melt that cursed instrument
and bury it in wet cement."
is sadly buried in the rest of it - but your audience of one will likely appreciate the piece more.
which is cool.
i don't get why this is so funny.
you have some desperate misspelling here, my friend. the one that stands out most glaringly is "the Pilot". at first, i thought you were writing a parody. but then i realized that you were referring to Pontius Pilate.
there are some good ideas in here, but your long-winded discourse loses steam before it gets barely started.
?-Dave_Mysterious-?
on Joe-Joe's Retard Trinity Remix (There can be only one) by Y2kSlamPoet
9 Oct 2003, 7:31 AM
SHIT MAN!!!
This is the shit. I've just done an ounce of Horlicks and three hob-nobs, and this just like blew my mind. I was like fucking spewing and stuff and chortling so much that my head literally exploded.
Yes!Egyptian Mythology! Although it's probably about something else! Yes!
'I curse my parents for sending me,
To a respectable school.'
Too true
Gosh I hate that asswell!!!!111
The sun shines out my arks of golden wonder too
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG MY GANG MY GANG
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG OH YEA
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG MY GANG MY GANG
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG OH YEA
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG MY GANG MY GANG
DYEWANNA BE IN MY GANG OH YEA
Oh alright then
I look forward to hearing some more poems about how much you enjoy drugs. I feel it is a much unexplored topic on this site.
excellent poem, a few nits
1) verse 2 is a cliche
2) so is I think I knew her better than she
3) the repetiition of lines and themes
4) the abrupt turn at the end 'but this is not a love poem' somehow the fascinated not love needs to be eased into the poem earlier, either that or have it as an abrupt punchline.
merely details, merely details
both beat in a chest within a dank dark grave?
yes I like it, refreshing, the spark of an idea
Contrary to popular belief, the heart is merely a muscle for pumping blood around the body, not some sort of organ of love or container for the soul.
Very good.
There once was a Goldsmith called Zac,
Who carried his wealth in a sack,
He sympathised a lot
With those who had not
He ended up painting himself black.
Beginnig with the first sentence my skin began to crawl. Reading on, hairs stood on my arms. My hands began to sweat... And that was just the first paragraph. My body temperature seems to have dropped a few degrees and I was shivering by the end. My jaw is clenched and my forhead tingles in a most unpleasant way.